Have you tried explaining an episode of LOST to someone who hasn’t seen the show before? It’s probably easier to explain the theory of relativity to a six-year old. Here’s a little skit I did on how difficult this task is.
Tuesday, 8:58 pm, my apartment
Friend: Hey John! What’s up buddy? I thought I’d stop by and see what you were up to.
Me: Just about to watch Lost actually…You watch it?
Friend: Nah. I’ve never seen it before. I heard it was good though. I’ll check it out.
Me: Ok. Well just shut the fuck up and don’t ask any questions. I’ll explain it to you during the commercials.
Friend: Ok. No problem.
Turns TV on…Cue high-pitched Lost intro
Five minutes into the episode…
Friend: So what’s the deal with this John Locke guy? He the leader or something?
Me: No. John Locke is dead.
Friend: What do you mean he’s dead? That sexy curly-haired chick just called that bald dude John Locke.
Me: Well yeah but that’s not really him. That’s the smoke monster taking the form of John Locke…and the chick’s name is Kate.
Friend: A smoke monster?
Me: Yeah. It’s this black smokey thing that lives on the island and kills everyone
Friend: Black smoke can kill people?
Friend: Ooook. So this black smoke— that can somehow kill people—magically transforms into some dead guy and now everyone on the island is following him?
Me: That’s correct. Now shut the fuck up and stop asking me questions.
Friend: Ok. Sorry.
5 minutes later…
Friend: What’s up with this Claire chick? Why is she crazy?
Me: She’s infected.
Friend: What does she have? The flu?
Me: No. We don’t know what. She’s just crazy.
Friend: Ok and she’s buddies with the dead smoke monster guy.
Friend: How ‘bout this fat dude? This guy Jacob is dead but he can talk to him? Why is he talking to dead people?
Me: Hurley can talk to dead people.
Friend: How the hell can he talk to dead people?
Me: I don’t know. He just can. It’s his thing.
Friend: That’s stupid….and this Asian dude can talk to dead people also?
Me: That’s Miles. No. Not exactly. He can only hear a dead person’s final thoughts before they die.
Friend: Ohhh ok. That’s seems plausible (in sarcastic tone)
Me: You gotta watch it from the beginning dude. Just trust me. Now PLEASE shut the hell up!
Friend: Ok. Ok. Sorry.
10 minutes later…
Friend: Ok…another question. Sorry. I’m confused. They just showed that Sawyer guy on the island and now he’s in LA. Is that like a flashback or something?
Me: No. It’s a flash sideways.
Friend: What the fuck is a flash sideways?
Me: It’s sorta like an alternate reality.
Friend: So…their like in another dimension or something?
Me: No. It’s basically what would have happened if the plane never crashed. At least that’s what I think. We’re not really sure.
Friend: Why would they show that? What does it matter what their lives would be like if the plane never crashed? Obviously it did crash because they are on this island.
Me: well yeah…it crashed but they may have reset the timeline in the season 5 finale.
Friend: How could they do that? They can travel in time? Like in Back to the Future when Biff stole Marty’s sports almanac and thus created an alternate 1985?
Me: Something like that. They can’t really travel in time. The island is moving through time.
Friend: Holy crap! This shit is confusing!
Me: I’ll explain everything in a second.
30 seconds later…( commercial comes on)
Me: Ok. It’s a commercial. Let me explain it to you. In season 4, the island was under attack by this British guy. So in order to protect the island, Ben pushed some wheel underground which moved the island through time. The people still on the island were then sent back to 1977. Then, three years later, the people who had escaped the island crashed a second time over the island. However, only some of them crashed in 1977, while a few of them were still in present time. Then Jack (the guy played by Matthew Fox) drops an atomic bomb in the ground, in order to neutralize a pocket of energy in hopes that it would change the future so they would never crash in the first place. That’s how we got to here. Got it?
Friend: No. I’m more confused than ever now. This show is retarded. Forget it. I’m just gonna go home and watch American Idol.
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