Tits or Ass? The Great Debate
Tits and Ass. Two of men’s favorite things. They belong together like peanut butter and jelly. Some men are lucky enough to be with a woman who can turn heads in any direction. However, what if you could only have one? Would you rather be with a girl with a perfect rack and a flat, dumpy, cottage cheese ass, OR would you rather have a girl with a beautiful, round ass and the chest of 12-year old? Frank Wheeler and I debate the issue in the Great Debate.
JOHN’S ARGUMENT FOR TITS
I love a great ass, don’t get me wrong—but your options in the bedroom are limited with a nice ass. There are so many things you can to do a nice pair of tits. You can squeeze them, suck them, slap them, lick them, bite them, you can motor-boat them, you can even fuck them! Then when you’re done you can lay your head down and rest on them. All you can do with an ass is slap it. There are a couple other things you
can do with an ass, I suppose, but I’m not into that.
Tits are a blessing from God. A nice pair of REAL tits are a gift that can’t be earned. A woman with a flat ass can still improve it if she heads to the gym regularly and does lots of squats. Just take a look at any Olympic athlete. Cleary working out has given them a fine backside. When it comes to breasts however, woman can’t increase their size without surgery.
I’d love to have a nice ass to go along with a great pair of boobies but there’s NO WAY I’d trade it for a flat chest. I need at least a handful. There’s something so visually appealing about seeing a big, round pair of titties flop around during sex. You just can’t get that with small breasts. When you consider that, more often than not, you’ll be having sex in the missionary or cowgirl position (most girls can orgasm easier on top), it only makes sense to have a girl who has a nice rack.
Just look at the funbags on Carmella Bing. They’re real and they’re SPECTACULAR. I’d glady take a flat ass to have these beautiful breasts in my face every night. How can there be a debate?
FRANK WHEELER’S ARGUMENT FOR ASS
It’s completely unexplainable. I am so uncontrollably drawn to a rotund, fat ass and it cannot be rationalized. But the fact remains: I care so much more about a nice butt than I do about big breasts. I’ll do my best to try and justify this below:
The Shape of a Long Back: Something about a girl who looks more like the letter V than an hourglass turns me off. Picture those girls who wear bikini’s and the bottom piece is literally hanging down her hips because she has nothing to keep them up. Now look at the picture to my left. Large hips and a round ass spark a carnal rage in me that rivals Seth Rogan’s in The 40 Year Old Virgin. I don’t care how large she is up top – if she isn’t filling out the bottom portion of that bikini, I’m looking in another direction.
It’s Scientific, Baby! This point is not as obvious and may be harder to prove, but bear with me. We as human beings have one purpose in life: to procreate. That is why men literally think about sex during 80% of their daily mental exercise (estimated). 80% of my entire day is spent thinking about sex! That means when my fellow female employees are talking to me, I only hear 20% of what they’re saying. Since large hips, and consequently a big butt, are so vital to a woman’s fertility and ability to bear children we are subconsciously drawn to women with fat asses. I like breasts but the ass does something else to me: it enhances my drive to procreate. Suck on that!
You Ever See a Spanish Chick Dance?: I like breasts. I do. But they’re for teenage boys who stay up late searching cable TV for nudity (Gia, you were my favorite late HBO movie!). But did you ever see a Hispanic woman dance? C’mon boys, you know what I’m talking about. Those hips move in ways you didn’t think were possible. My jaw drops when I watch this. Look at Shakira in that cage! And I know some people hate on Beyonce for the Single Ladies video, but she moves that ass better than some girls move it their entire lives. And notice one thing: they both do not have large chests. And it DOES NOT matter. Beyonce brings me to tears when I watch her in that video. Nas beat you Jay-Z, but you got the last laugh since you have the hottest chick in the game wearing your chain.
Lastly John – a nice ass can’t be gained at the gym. Rather, it can be maintained and groomed whereas tits become all saggy and wrinkled as women get older. My woman will work out the rest of her life, and her ass will always be banging.
So what do you think? Where do your loyalties lie? Tits or Ass? Talk about it!
The Great Debate is a feature where we discuss two opposing viewpoints on a topic men are interested in. Think of it as an Op-Ed piece, only we don’t talk about anything serious.
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