The Ten Easiest Jobs in Sports

sorianoMany boys grow up dreaming of sports glory. Throwing the winning TD pass in the Super Bowl, hitting a walk-off home run to win the World Series or draining the winning basket as time expires to win the NBA championship are just a few of the dreams that fill the heads of American youngsters as they sleep.

These are not easy dreams to attain. Just to be in the position to achieve sports glory, it takes a lifetime of hard work, dedication, discipline and, most importantly, God-given talent.

Those who aren’t talented enough but love sports may look to a job as a broadcaster, or general manager or some sort of front office job. Well these aren’t too easy to get either. You need a bachelors AND a masters degree and you need to work 20 different internships before anyone will even hire you. Even after that you probably still need to know someone to get in. Working behind the scenes requires more work than being an athlete.

Well…most men are lazy. This is why so few achieve this goal. However, there are some jobs in sports that require little or no effort. These are the jobs every lazy man out there should dream to attain. These are the ten easiest jobs in sports.

For the record, the list will be based on two factors: How easy it is and how well it pays.

It’s good to be a DH. A typical baseball game lasts about three hours. The designated hitter is involved in the game for about five minutes. He takes a few hacks, then goes back to the bench. David Ortiz played six games in the field in 2009, while the rest of the time he was the DH. He collected a salary of over $13 million this season.

This guy has it pretty easy. Maybe he gets used once a week, at most, when the starting pitcher gets rocked. The team has already mailed it in this game. They know they are going to lose. They just need someone to eat up some innings so they don’t waste any of the good pitchers’ arms. The majority of mop-up man’s time is spent spitting sunflower seeds and taking naps in the bullpen. Oh and Major League Baseball had a league minimum salary of $400,000 in 2009.

While the beer guy is struggling, walking up and down flights of stairs with a case of beer on his back and the hot dog guy is trying to put a hot dug in a bun with one hand, the souvenir vendor is walking around selling foam fingers and stuffed animals. Sure you can handle all that buddy? Maybe you should take a break. No one buys that crap anyway. He can pretty much walk around and enjoy the game.

This guy gets paid to get front row seats at a hockey game. All he has to do is turn on a red light when a goal is scored. Even if he messes up, it doesn’t matter. According to Wikipedia (I need a reference since I don’t actually watch hockey) the goal judge acts only in an “advisory role.” The referee has sole authority to award goals and can also override the goal judge’s call. So basically it really doesn’t matter if he screws up or not. The real ref has got his back. I’m not sure what these guys make but considering what they do, any sum of money would be good.


Any time you wanna chime in color guy

For those of you not familiar with Vin Scully, he is the play-by-play man for the Los Angeles Dodgers. He’s had this job for 60 years, dating back to the Dodgers days in Brooklyn. Now the majority of the time he works solo but there have been a few instances where he has had a color guy. Such was the case during game 6 of the 1986 World Series. Take a listen to his call (which is synced up with the video game RBI baseball). Notice the brief comment of the color guy at the 7:40 mark…Yes. That’s all he says the entire time.

Sooo the clock doesn’t stop and nobody ever scores…Why do we need to hire someone to operate the scoreboard? Couldn’t we just get a college intern or train a monkey to do it?

It doesn’t get much easier than being a third-string NFL quarterback. These guys have almost no chance to come in. In fact there is an NFL rule stating that if a team brings in their third-string QB, the other two QBs aren’t allowed to come back in. So it really has to be an emergency for him to get a chance. His job is reduced to wearing a baseball cap and holding a clipboard. Ok. So they might have to relay some signals but with radios in the starting quarterback’s helmet now, do they even do that anymore? Even so, I think could learn a few signals and collect a six-figure, possibly even seven-figure, salary.

In the entire history of Major League Baseball, there was probably only one instance where they actually needed the right field and left field umpire. That was in the infamous Jeffrey Maier game in the 1996 ALCS between the Baltimore Orioles and the New York Yankees…and they blew the call.

Now with replay for home run calls and foul balls, is it really necessary to have these guys? Getting assigned to right field in a playoff game is the umpire equivalent of winning the lottery.

76020470JM_D0469370202. NFL PUNTER
Unlike a place kicker, the punter is never forced to make a pressure kick, he’s never blamed for a last-second loss and he never gets thrown under the bus by his coach. While the 55 other members of an NFL team are pouring through game footage, memorizing a play book the size of the yellow pages and sacrificing their long-term health and well-being for the sake of a few years of glory, the punter spends the week kicking an oblong ball. On gameday, he walks onto the field about five times, kicks the ball 40 yards and walks off the field. Then he collects his league minimum paycheck of at least $285,000 per year.

The first base coach is the winner of the ten easiest jobs in sports. At least the third base coach has to do some legitimate work. He’s got to relay complicated signs to the batter before every pitch and determine whether to send a runner home or hold him at third. These are decisions that can affect the outcome of the ballgame.

The first base coach has none of these responsibilities. His duties include, slapping base runners on the ass, yelling BACK!, holding shin guards and elbow guards and tossing foul balls to kids in the first row.

I can’t say for sure what these guys make, but any coach in the major leagues is going to be making six figures. Not too bad for a designated shin guard holder.

5 comments for “The Ten Easiest Jobs in Sports

  1. Pingback: Oh My God! Lets BBQ » Blog Archive » The Ten Easiest Jobs in Sports
  2. Charlie
    October 5, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    FYI – w/r/t the souvenir guy, those people make money on how much product they sell, so his job essentially sucks. It’s the beer guy who makes all of the money.

  3. October 5, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Why, exactly, would someone interrupt Vin Scully?

    (And I hate the Dodgers)

  4. timoteo
    October 6, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    NFL punter’s are thieves.

  5. Pingback: Easiest Jobs Ever « Written on the Wind

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