The Lifetime Network is Eating Away at my Manhood

network_lifetimeA while back, I wrote a post called TV Shows you can Watch with your Girl. The idea of the post was to find shows that you and your girlfriend/ spouse/ fiancé/ mistress etc. could watch together.  However, as the boyfriend, there are plenty of times you get stuck watching TV shows you can’t bear to watch.

For me, most of those shows are on the Lifetime Network.  When I come home, Lifetime is on. When I go to bed, Lifetime is on. It’s gotten so bad that I am starting to see repeats of these shows.  It’s because of this network that I no longer feel bad subjecting her to nine hours of football on Sunday.

To help you guys out, I am going to break down all the shows I am forced to watch. Some are on the Lifetime network, while others are not. If your girl ever puts any of these shows on, take the advice of Biff Tannen: Make like a tree and get outta there.

I will rate each one on a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the most tolerable and five making you want to jump off a bridge.  Click on the links to video clips if you dare. 

Say Yes to the Dress (TLC)
This show is actually on TLC but it might as well be on Lifetime.  In this show a gay guy who tweezes his eyebrows way too much helps a bunch of fat women find the right wedding dress.  THAT’S IT. That’s all that goes on in the show.

You know when you go shopping with your woman and you sit outside the dressing room while she tries on clothes and comes out to ask your opinion? Well that’s basically what this show is. It’s like going shopping with your woman. Only it’s captured on camera.
Torture Rating: 5

My Fair Wedding (WEtv)
In this show, a different gay guy with painted eyebrows criticizes everything a bride-to-be has planned for her wedding.  He breaks her down and then changes everything she planned like a week before she’s supposed to get married.  It’s actually pretty cruel but the future Mrs. S. seems to love it.
Torture Rating: 4.5

Amazing Wedding Cakes (WEtv)
Notice a trend here?  Weddings seem to be a central theme.  In this show, they follow bakeries that make wedding cakes. A show about wedding cakes— What will they think of next? I’m afraid to find out. Some of the designs are pretty cool but still it’s tough to sit through an entire episode.
Torture Rating: 2

Project Runway (Lifetime Network)
In this show, a bunch of women and a few more gay guys design outfits and compete for Heidi Klum’s approval.  Pretty awful show but at least Heidi Klum makes it a little more watchable.
Torture Rating: 2.5

Models of the Runway (Lifetime Network)
It’s like Project Runway, only take out the gay guys and put in anorexic models.
Torture Rating: 3

Sitcom and Drama Reruns
I typically arrive home from work around 5:30, at which point I find my fiancé, who works from home, cooking and watching Desperate Housewives.  Since she is cooking—and I want to eat—I really have no leverage in this situation and decide not to change the channel.  It could be worse. There is some nice eye candy on this show at least.  If I come home later, I am subjected to reruns of Greys Anatomy.  Again, it could be worse. There are some hot broads on this show as well.

Late at night, she likes to put on the Nanny.  There’s nothing like trying to fall asleep to the sound of Fran Dresser’s voice. I can usually win control of the remote here by putting on Conan O’Brien or SportsCenter but every once in a while her whiney voice will be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep.  Let’s not forget about Will and Grace as well, which is on Lifetime about 15 times a day.

Greys Anatomy Torture Rating: 1.5
Desperate Housewives Torture Rating: 1
Will and Grace Torture Rating: 4.5
The Nanny Torture Rating: 5

What shows does your girl make you sit through that you absolutely can’t stand? Leave a comment about it.


3 comments for “The Lifetime Network is Eating Away at my Manhood

  1. Maven
    November 24, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I loved this :-)

    Very funny!
    .-= Maven ´s last blog ..When Good Stores Go Bad and A New Giveaway for Comment of the Week! =-.

  2. Jabberwock
    December 3, 2009 at 5:42 pm

    I feel your pain…gf has a series recording of Say Yes To The Dress. Luckily I haven’t been subjected to the rest of these. Expect the wedding cake one…I think. There are too many cake shows to count.

  3. December 16, 2009 at 9:27 am

    This is a little different, but before I moved out of my parents house, my mom would watch Little House on the Prairie like ( i kid you not) 5 fucking times a day. See, she had it all planned out, it would play on Lifetime in the morning and then (get this) it ran simultaneously on TBS and the Hallmark channel an hour later, which she of course would switch back and forth between during the commercials (which didn’t line up very well so she was always “breaking in to it”) the last bit was in the afternoon when I think it runs as a two hour back to back block on Oxygen (a network that competes with Lifetime, but is supposedly aimed at young, professional women, and is a bit more accepting of men as not the source of all woman kinds woes). Oddly I’m sure that it played more episodes else where, but because by that time “A Wedding Story” comes on TLC she usually swaps over.

    yeah, my early twenties kinda sucked.

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