The Hotness Scale Defined


Since the beginning of time, men have used the hotness scale to rate how attractive a woman is when debating amongst friends. Using the standard 1- 10 ranking (with one being the ugliest woman imaginable and ten being a perfect woman), men have found an efficient way to judge women in the shallowest way possible.

However, over the years, the Hotness Scale has gotten too lenient. This is probably because each level has never been truly defined. We need to make a clear-cut definition of what each number means so that we can accurately judge women solely on their looks, while completely ignoring their personality.

The majority of men will brag they’ve been fortunate enough to get with at least one nine or ten in their lifetime but that is highly unlikely. Most women we meet and hook-up with will fall somewhere in the 4-6 range.

I’ve been with some fairly attractive women in my day but I doubt any of them can be considered higher than a seven. Even my wife probably falls within the 6-7 range. Knowing her, she would probably take offense that I only consider her a seven on a good day but as you’ll see with my rankings, seven is very good.

Here are the rankings defined…

THE GAG REFLEX

One and Two
Absolutely grotesque. FUGLY—as in FUCKING UGLY. Women who fall in this range probably weigh 300 pounds or more or have some major disfigurement. Women at this level are hard to look at, let alone get physical with.

THE ALCOHOL-AIDED STAGE

Three
Pretty gross. Really no attractive feature whatsoever. It takes a number of alcoholic beverages and a long dry spell for a man to stoop to this level. I stooped to level three once and it’s something I am not proud of. We all have bad days though. The criteria mentioned in the previous sentence were present so I try not to beat myself up about it too much.

Four
There isn’t much to be attracted to here but a man can be often be skewed to hook up with a four if he has had a few drinks or comes to the realization that he can’t do much better. A guy may hook up with a girl at this level but he won’t be bragging about it to his friends. A four could win the Nobel Prize, reveal that she was the Navy Seal who killed Osama bin Laden or find a cure for a cancer and a man still wouldn’t want to bring her out to meet his friends.

A four may be have one good feature that will convince a drunk or desperate man to overlook some other major flaws. For example she may have an ugly face but have huge tits…or she could be fat but give amazing head.

JUST AVERAGE

Five
Your typical average-looking woman. Nothing really jumps out at you but nothing really turns you off. You won’t fantasize about being with a five but you’ll still be able to get your dick hard when fooling around with one. Typically this is the lowest a man will go on the hotness scale if he is of a straight mind.

A GOOD CATCH

Six
A six is a better than average looking woman. She’ll often have one or two really attractive features that can mask some minor flaws. She may also be solid in every aspect but not really great in any, sort of like a super utility infielder in baseball. Most men would be happy to have a six. At this level, a man will be proud to bring a girl around to show off to his friends.

Seven
A seven is pretty hot. She typically has multiple attractive qualities with a few minor flaws. If you’re at a busy club or bar you’ll probably see a few sevens on a given night. A seven probably looks amazing when you see her out in person but if she were on television you probably wouldn’t even notice her. Most men will not get much higher than a seven in their lifetime.

THE ELITE

Eight
An eight would probably be one of the hottest women you’ve ever met in person. An eight could have several very attractive features or could be solid in most aspects but have one feature that is so ridiculous that a guy will obsess over it (see Gianna Michaels pic above). A good example would be the sexiest girl in your high school class or maybe the girl at the club that every guy is hounding on the dance floor. There are probably a few eights in every town but not many more than that. At this level and higher, a guy is willing to put up with a lot more shit than he normally would. An eight could be a total cunt and a guy will deal with her (at least for a little while) because he is blinded by her beauty and bangin’ body.

Nine
A nine is a girl who is drop-dead gorgeous and is typically reserved for someone who is a super-model, actress or porn star. A nine is the total package (looks, ass, tits, shape). You won’t come across a nine in your everyday life very often. It takes a high level of maintenance (e.g. exercise, make-up, or even surgery to make a woman a nine). This is why it’s typically celebrities who are nines because they have the resources (e.g stylists, personal trainers, plastic surgeons) to keep themselves looking beautiful every time they step outside the house. You will probably never sniff a nine in your lifetime unless you are rich, a professional athlete or a rock star.

Ten
Tens are almost non-existent. It’s like trying to find a flawless diamond. It’s possible to find one but extremely rare. Even the best diamonds in the world have slight flaws and this is the case with women as well. Let’s take a look at some celebrities who are often considered ten on a loose scale but would fall just short on the much stricter Living with Balls scale.

Kim Kardashian: the greatest ass I have ever seen but probably wouldn’t be as pretty if she didn’t have someone doing her makeup every day.

Megan Fox: Beautiful face, deep blue eyes and great figure but too many tattoos make her look trashy.

Halle Berry: Hard to really find many flaws here but if I had to nitpick I’d say I’m not crazy about short hair and her nips are kind of small (see Monster’s Ball or Swordfish).

Olivia Wilde: Absolutely stunning but to be considered a ten she would need to have a bigger rack.

Penelope Cruz: Beautiful, sexy accent and in great shape but a weird nose.

Again, all these women are knockouts and I’m nitpicking a lot here but it is necessary to show you that tens are almost impossible to find.

So the next time your friend comes to you and claims to have slept with a “ten,” refer him to this article and then call bullshit.

28 comments for “The Hotness Scale Defined

  1. Deuce McGee
    May 19, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I CAN’T WAIT to give this post the reading-time it deserves later. I reserve comment(s) until then. Carry on.

  2. Joe
    May 19, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Good post – I generally agree.

    However, this varies by the guy’s own taste – for example, I consider Olivia Wilde hot, but I actually would probably rather do Reese Witherspoon if I had to choose and that chick at #8, who I think is a porn star but I can’t recall her name, is kinda doggish in the face in my opinion.

    As far as other notes I want to make…sometimes a hot feature and ugly feature on the same woman can balance out the ranking as you alluded to with a “4″ having great tits but an ugly face.

    Conversely, a chick with a face like Olivia Wilde, but a severe case of noassatall syndrome (flat ass or weirdly shaped butt) may only rank a 6 where she’d otherwise be a 9.

    A five is a girl that you don’t show off, but aren’t afraid to take around your friends either, especially with a disclaimer when she’s not around that she “gives good head” or something.

    A classic “three” works with me. She has a fair face at best, weighs about 205, a large lumpy ass, however, she does have pretty eyes and she’s funny as shit, so after a 6 pack I’d probably nail her.

  3. Joe
    May 19, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    For my last paragraph I meant a four, not a three. A three would take a 12 pack.

  4. May 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Joe,

    I generally agree with your thoughts on Gianna Michaels. She’s not prettier than the other girls in that picture, but she gets a higher rank based on the rule for an 8 which states “she has one feature that is so ridiculous that a guy will obsess over it.” That one feature of course being her amazing rack. Just do a google image search for her and you will be a believer.

  5. Joe
    May 20, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    I will add – the lower a girl ranks, the less affect weight gain or loss has on her.

    If Olivia Wilde gained 40 lbs, I’d certainly still do her, but, depending on how the weight was distributed, it could knock her down as far as a 5 or as little as to a 7.

    However, an average girl of ’5′ might have a 40 pound window where she’d remain a 5, again.

    Today I saw a girl in the mall who was a little chunky (maybe 175 lbs 5’8ish) but was cute in the face, cute enough that I’d probably do her. I’d rank her a 5. However, since she has little in the way of tits or ass (despite being a chub) she’d probably be still a 5 even if she lost some weight. Now if she had signs of a nice ass and tits under that flab she’d have potential to rise to a 6 maybe, but probably no higher.

    A 3 is usually a three no matter what, unless she’s a 3 because of really excessive weight, like 300 plus. Then she may improve with some weight loss.

  6. Joe
    May 20, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Oh – who’s the “8.5″ in that pic? She looks familiar but I can’t place her.

  7. Mr. Cleavage
    May 21, 2011 at 1:04 am

    Mr. Cleavage abides…

  8. May 21, 2011 at 11:42 am

    The 8.5 is Shakira

  9. Buffalo Bill
    May 24, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    I generally agree until you got to 8. I don’t think eights are all that hard to find if you’re willing to listen. You don’t have to solve all their problems. In fact, it’s counterproductive, just listen and sympathize. I don’t think I’m particularly handsome, nor am I in great shape, nor am I rich or famous, but quite a few good looking gals go for me, so call me lucky I guess. If I have a secret I’m pretty good at listening to them prattle on then ask a pertinent question once in a while. Works like a charm! A man who is a good listener can screw hot chicks often.

  10. Deuce McGee
    May 27, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Generally I love the scale. It prevents the over-rating that generally happens too much. I do have a bone to pick, though. I don’t think Gianna Michaels even belongs in the discussion at 8. One quality, as…um….”present” as it may be, can’t be enough. I agree with your “an eight would probably be one of the hottest women you’ve ever met in person,” and she wouldn’t be. I also agree completely that Kim Kardashian wouldn’t be nearly the same if she didn’t have pro’s working on her at all times. I’ll tell you what, though. That Olivia Wilde is something, huh?

  11. May 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    @Buffalo Bill…The thing with men is we don’t have to be good looking to bag hot women. Men are judged by their status, while women are judged by their looks. That’s why Mick Jagger still gets pussy even though his face looks like a sun-dried tomato. Perhaps I will get into this further in a future post.

    @Deuce…as far as Gianna Michaels is concerned, I don’t care what you or anyone else says. Her tits and ass are insane, and her face is good enough to keep her at an 8. You, or anyone else, would gizz your pants in two seconds if given the opportunity to sleep with her.

  12. November 23, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Yeah, I’m about a six or a seven when I wanna be. Seriously dude, your six is way cuter than your 8 in the top photos, anyway. Sure her boobs are huge but horse face. Ugh.

  13. WHHHHAAAATTTTT????
    January 22, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    WHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT?????? How is that chick an 8???????? She’s a 6 AT BEST! I’d easily put that 6 up to an 8 and the 8 should go down to 5, 6 AT FUCKING BEST!

  14. January 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Everyone has different opinions. You must have never seen a Gianna Michaels video. If you like big tits and ass–which most men do–then she is EASILY an 8.

  15. FlippityFloppity
    January 29, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Everyone has different likes/dislikes. 5-10 is a sliding scale because it is observer specific. When you rank women that you actually know, why not invite them into the conversation and provide them the opportunity to give you feedback on your ranking? My feeling is that the fantasy would be ruined for you, which is really what it’s all about.

  16. Tim
    February 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Your 7 is ugly and in that pic her teeth are attacking my eyes. Your 8 has oversized boobs and her face looks like it went through a steamroller. Your 6 though, your 6 should be an 8 or a 9. Thats real beauty, not fake plastic porn whore beauty.

  17. kavorka
    February 5, 2012 at 2:00 am

    Trust me, I pay virtually ZERO attention to extremities, but Megan Fox loses almost a full point because of her toe thumb. Check it out. She has a toe thumb. Just google “Megan Fox T” and “Megan Fox Toe Thumb” will pop up.

  18. Nicky2039
    March 2, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    You got the description and theory just about right regarding the hotness scale however you inserted a few things that should be left out to make it universal:

    *pornstars rarely go higher than a 7 with an 8 reserved for a select few. 9′s and 10′s are reserved for movie stars and supermodels only.

    * you’re getting lust (bangability) mixed up with the rating scale. The women you posted as 7-8′s are supposed to be lower (uglier)on the scale but because they look and dress trashy = hot. NO!!

  19. April 9, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Whatever happenned to fit girls? People seem to focus on cellulite filled asses. Gimme a six pack and quads on a chick.

  20. Joe
    September 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    So… you’re saying, even if a woman wins a Nobel prize, if she wasn’t hot enough, a man wouldn’t want to bring her to meet his friends?

    Are you serious.?!

    The author of this page is a complete dickbag.

  21. Arkhan
    March 30, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    One of my best friends is an 8/9 even on this scale.

    She solidly outclasses Kardashian, Fox, Berry, Wilde, and Cruz (which on my EVEN STRICTER scale are all between 6′s and 8′s). Seriously.

    I won’t say she’s a 10, because there’s probably SOMETHING you could improve (I have no idea what though), but I live in the 4th largest city in the United States, and I can genuinely say she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever seen in real life.

    (I just realized my standards are insanely high, and I think it’s her fault….)

    She moved in with me and slept in my bed next to me for 6 months.

    That was 6 of the most frustrating months of my life.

    ESPECIALLY when I found out that she would’ve happily dated me in high school and that she was always alone and ignored.
    I’ve known how attractive she was since middle school – loooong before she “got hot” after high school – and I thought she was out of my league then….
    NOW she has trouble with guys asking her out because everyone thinks she’s out of their league.

    I asked her out while she was living with me.
    Waited too god damn long.
    Friendzoned. >_<

    I want to violently punch a god in the balls so hard when I think about that…
    So fucking frustrating…

  22. April 14, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Good to see an article that doesn’t rate 7 as base line… and it fully matches the scale I’ve been using! Here’s the short version:

    A scale for INDIVIDUAL measurement of sexual attractiveness

    10 – perfect, impossible to attain except in dreams
    9 – very hot Hollywood starlet, pageant queen, top porn star
    8 – average hottest girl in whole school, district, personal circle of aqcuaintances, hot actress / porn star
    7 – average hottest girl in a school class, workspace
    6 – above average, threshold at which one makes a real effort around her
    5 – average, would fuck if she makes an effort
    4 – below average, would fuck if horny
    3 – ugly, would fuck if drunk and desperate
    2 – really ugly, would never fuck
    1 – repulsive puke-inducing trainwreck

  23. Mr. Cleavage
    April 18, 2013 at 1:25 am

    Great to see this article still going…and Arkhan (march 30th), dude, I fee for you man…

  24. Kenny
    June 6, 2013 at 2:43 am

    this really can be a usefull tool in reminising about old flames etc. i told myself somewhere along the way that whatever the next lady i got w/ was always a step better than the last one etc. now i see where alchocal really does help u overlook way to much. and too when you are droping from a girl whos a 6 to a string of 4′s its easy to forget your worth…..this scale brought me back to reality…thanks…

  25. Sam
    June 13, 2013 at 2:48 am

    Pageant girls these days are all basically below 7. All that makeup and self tanning makes them uglier than they really are.

  26. Mike
    August 4, 2013 at 12:52 am

    Your 6 is closer to an 8. That girl’s face is ****** hot.

  27. Anthony
    February 11, 2014 at 10:34 am

    At #4 you say: ‘or she could be fat but give amazing head.’
    Your mom is fat and gives amazing head but she is still only a two, sorry!

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