The three major American beer companies (Bud, Coors, Miller) are in a continuous battle with each other. However, it’s not a battle to see which company can make better beer. It’s about which company can come up with the more ridiculous beer bottle gimmick.
As time goes on, each company has tried to outdo the other by changing their beer bottle in a way that supposedly makes their mediocre beer more appealing. It seems like one idea is more absurd than the other.
It made me wonder…if things continue along this path, what will beer bottles be like in the future?
Well I decided to fire up the DeLorean and bring back some beer bottles of the future to show you what gimmicks these companies have in store for the naïve consumer in the years to come.
The Coors Light Absolute Zero Can
First Coors Light came out with the Cold-Activated Can, which turned blue when the beer was cold enough to drink. Recently they figured that it wasn’t enough. So they added a second bar, which tells you when your beer is “super cold.”
In the future, Coors will continue to build on their Cold-Activated gimmick by introducing the Coors Light Absolute Zero Can.
The iBud Light Bottle
Recently Bud Light came out with the “Etch-It” bottle, which allows people to scratch out a message right on the bottle. In the future, Bud Light will build off that basic idea by partnering with Apple to bring you the iBud Light bottle. Now there is an iPhone right on your bottle!
You can send text messages, check your e-mail and play Angry Birds all while drinking watered-down beer! Unfortunately, this will drive up the price of Bud Light considerably after Apple requires a $30 per-month data fee per bottle.
The Miller Lite Super Vortex Bottle
Recently Miller Lite came out with the “Vortex” bottle. I’m not really sure exactly what its purpose is but Miller Lite’s claims the grooves “let the great pilsner taste flow right out.” I’m pretty sure the old bottle poured out beer as well— but hey, it looks cool!
In the future, Miller figured why stop the Vortex at the neck? Why not make the entire bottle a Vortex bottle! So they released the Super Vortex bottle. It pours exactly the same as the beer bottle in the early part of the 21st century but now it looks SUPER cool!
The Bud Light Gold Bottle
Another recent trend among several brewers lately has been the aluminum bottle. Supposedly aluminum helps keep the beer cooler for longer. In the future, these companies will discover that gold can make the beer even colder. So they introduced the gold bottle. Another upside is that once you’re finished drinking it, you can trade your bottle in for cash.
The last beer I found in the future did not have any special features on the bottle. However, they did make a new discovery. Over the past few years, a number of beers have been introduced with very low calorie amounts (e.g MGD 64, Michelob Ultra), which appeal to the health-conscious consumer. In the future, Miller decided they could do better than a 64-calorie beer and revealed the MGD Zero: A beer with zero calories. Except it’s not really beer. It’s water with beer flavoring.
As you can see, in the future beer bottle gimmicks will continue to get more and more outlandish but unfortunately the beer will taste the same.
Like this Post? Follow LWB on Twitter, like on Facebook, or grab the RSS feed
GET THE OFFICIAL LIVING WITH BALLS T-SHIRT!!
Want to Advertise? I offer very cheap rates. Contact me here if interested.
Learn more about Living With Balls