The All-NFL Criminal Team

Former New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress pleaded guilty to a felony weapons charge Thursday and will spend the next two years in prison.  He adds himself to the list of hundreds of NFL players who have been arrested in recent years.  In fact, one could put together an entire roster of current players who have been arrested.  Here is the All-NFL Criminal Team.

I was amazed at how easy it was to construct this team.  The most difficult part was deciding who made the cut.  These are only the best players who are currently in the league as of 2009 or players who were recently in the league but were suspended due to their criminal actions.


On offense we will use an I-formation: 2 RB, 2 WR’s, TE

QB-Michael Vick-Philadelphia Eages

Served 18 months in prison for running a dogfighting ring

RB-Marshawn Lynch-Buffalo Bills

Arrested on gun charges in Feb. 2009

RB-Larry Johnson, Kansas City Chiefs

Arrested numerous times for beating up women

T- Cornell Green-Oakland Raiders

Charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after beating the mother of his two children in 2009.

G-Kareem McKenzie-New York Giants

Charged with DUI in 2008

C-Jeremy Bridges-Washington Redskins

Arrested on misdemeanor assault charges

G-Chester Pitts-Houston Texans

Arrested on a felony charge of evading arrest in a motor vehicle

T-Jammal Brown-New Orleans Saints

Arrested on domestic abust and battery charges in 2006

WR-Plaxico Burress- New York Giants

Will serve two years on felony weapons charges

WR- Brandon Marshall- Denver Broncos

Arrested on disorderly conduct, domestic violence, a whole bunch of stuff

TE- Daniel Graham-Denver Broncos

Arrested on harassment charges in 2008

I could also use a 3-WR Set and bring in:

Santonio Holmes-Pittsburgh Steelers

Arrested in 2006 for disorderly conduct, Arrested in 2008 for possession of marijuana

or if I need 4 receivers I can bring in

Matt Jones-Formerly Jacksonville Jaguars

Arrested for cocaine possession in 2008


On defense we’ll use the 3-4 since there are an abundance of linebackers to choose from

DE-Terrell Suggs-Baltimore Ravens

Charged with felony aggravated assault in 2003 (charges later dropped)

DT- Tank Johnson-Dallas Cowboys

Screwed up a whole bunch of times

DE-Shaun Ellis-New York Jets

Charged with possession of Marijuana, speeding and driving without insurance in 2008

LB-Ray Lewis-Baltimore Ravens

Initially charged with murder, found not guilty but pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice

LB-Jonathan Vilma-New Orleans Saints

Arrested for reckless driving in 2008

LB-Antonio Pierce-New York Giants

Charged but not indicted in the Plaxico incident…also plead guilty to animal neglect in 2008

LB-Leroy Hill- Seattle Seahawks

Charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession in 2009

CB-Pacman Jones-Formerly Dallas Cowboys

Made it rain, then a stripper got shot…about 30 other offenses as well

CB-Ricky Manning Jr-Oakland Raiders

Charged with felony assault in 2007

S-Donte Whitner- Buffalo Bills

Arrested on disordedly conduct and resisting arrest in 2009

S- Ko Simpson- Buffalo Bills

Charged with hindering police while they tried to make an arrest

If it’s a passing down I could always use the Nickel and bring in:

Deltha O’Neal-Houston Texans

Arrested for a DWI in 2006

 PK-Sebastian Janikowski

Arrested on drunk driving, assault, vandalism

Head Coach: Tom Cable

Will probably get arrested for punching another coach in the face.

7 comments for “The All-NFL Criminal Team

  1. Pingback: The All-NFL Criminal Team | DWI Attorney Blog
  2. Nobody
    August 21, 2009 at 4:25 am

    The DEs should’ve been Leonard Little and Jared Allen.

  3. commenter
    August 21, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Randy Moss was arrested in ’02 for running into a traffic officer. He should definitely be starting at WR. What’s incredible is that with Moss on the team, Plax would have to be the slot receiver!

  4. moose
    September 12, 2009 at 10:21 am

    What’s funny is that you only focused on unlawful offenses of the last few years. Try going back to the early 70’s when Oakland had to bail players out of the hooskow (with hangovers of course), gotta be a R I O T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. moose
    September 12, 2009 at 10:23 am

    Sorry…..H O O S G O W

  6. Dave(d)
    January 27, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Pretty sure Mike Ditka was arrested for a DUI the year they won the Super Bowl. That’s your Head Coach right there.

  7. Joe B
    April 22, 2010 at 9:23 am

    I dont know if there could be a better defensive front 7 in football than that, unless of course you added jared allen like “Nobody” said

Leave a Reply to Nobody Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *