It seems like every day there is some new big product or service out there that promises to be the next big thing. Sometimes these products take off, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes these products do well despite the fact they have no practical use for any logical human being on the planet Earth. Here are six of those products.
The Coors Light Cold Activated Can
You know, I’ve always wondered when my beer was cold. The idea of just touching the bottle to see if it’s cold never occurred to me. THANK GOD Coors Light found a way to distract people from that piss they call beer with the Coors Light “Cold Activated” can. The mountains turn blue when your beer is cold! AWESOME! Now I’ll never have to ponder for hours if my cheap beer is ready for drinking. THANK YOU COORS LIGHT!
You’ve seen these commercials. Got a question for us? Text us at 542542! It’s only 99 cents per answer! Hmmm…So I can text my question to some random number and wait patiently for a response, while also paying a dollar for the answer OR I could just go to Google, type in my question and get my answer for free in two seconds. Which one would you choose? Is there anyone out there dumb enough to use this service? How do they actually make money?
The Coors Light Wide Mouth Can
Wow. Coors has the honor of being on here TWICE! You’ve seen these stupid commercials too. The LET”S VENT guy who ignores his wife when she gets home because he’s excited to drink God-awful beer from an aluminum can with a wide mouth. Has anyone shopping in a beer distributor ever thought to oneself, “Yes, I think I’ll get the Coors Light over good beer because it’s easier to pour!”
A blanket with sleeves! Why didn’t I ever think of that? I suppose if I’m cold I could just put on another shirt or take my bathrobe and put it on inside out. After all, that’s essentially what a Snuggie is—a backwards bathrobe. The Snuggie has made TONS of money. Shit, even I was dumb enough to buy one of these stupid things. I immediately regretted that decision. I put it on once and I was embarrassed to walk around in that thing—even in the privacy of my own home.
Every time I flip through the channels and I see a WNBA game on television, I am amazed to see people in the stands. There are people out there who will actually pay to watch women’s basketball? I’ve never met one. There are so many other forms of entertainment out there I would choose to spend my hard-earned money on before I’d pay a dime to see a WNBA game. I’d rather pay to watch paint dry than watch the WNBA game. I’d rather watch fucking NASCAR over the WNBA. I’d rather listen to Fran Dresser read about risk management on audio book over a WNBA game.
I’m not making this up. This infomercial is for real. The Shake Weight is some sort or vibrating dumbbell designed “specifically for women” to tone arms. It looks like every woman in this video is practicing their hand job form. Ladies, why rely on “dynamic inertia” to build your biceps and triceps? Just give your man a good ol’ tug instead and pocket the $19.95. Actually don’t do that. Hand jobs suck.
I’m sure there are plenty of others out there. Should this post do well, I’ll make it a regular series as more stupid ideas come out. What are some others you can think of? Talk about it in the comment section.
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