Facebook’s “Like” button is probably one of the best innovations the social-networking giant has made since its inception. It’s a nice way to tell someone you appreciated a status update in what is otherwise a sea of nonsense.
It makes you wonder why Facebook hasn’t made more buttons. The real reason for that is simple… Facebook didn’t make the Like button with the users in mind, it’s really just another way for Facebook to collect data from us and sell it to marketing companies. At this point, there’s no reason for them to come up with any more buttons.
But what if they did?
I thought I’d suggest some new buttons for Facebook that will be just as useful as the Like button. Anyone who has used Facebook for more than five minutes in their lives will find plenty of uses for these suggested buttons.
The I’m Sick of Hearing About Your Baby Button
This button is for those new parents that like to share every detail about their baby’s life. It may be fascinating to the parents and other immediate family but its boring as shit to anyone else. Next time you read something like this…
…just hit the I’m sick of hearing about your baby button and help put a stop to this epidemic.
The I Don’t Know Who You Are Button
This button is for those Facebook friends that got married and changed their last name, or only use their first and middle name or put some ridiculous nickname that they think makes them sound cool, instead of their actual name on their Facebook page. Then they combine that with a picture of their baby, or cat or some other dumb shit instead of a photo of themselves. After a while, you can’t even figure out who half the people on your news feed are anymore. So when one of those people starts clogging up your feed or commenting on your updates, just hit the ”I don’t know who you are” button and remind them to identify themselves.
The Just Say What’s Bothering You Already! Button
I see this a lot. Someone makes a subtle remark on a status update, suggesting they are very upset about something but doesn’t give any more details about it. Below is a good example of this…
Usually it’s some dumb woman who just wants attention and wants everyone to ask her what’s wrong. Since I never want to contribute and give her the attention she so desperately craves, I resist the urge to ask what happened, even though I’m nosey and want to know…When someone does ask, they usually just respond by saying “Oh, I don’t want to get into it on here.” If you wanted to keep your problems private then why even write about it in the first place on Facebook?
I’m Not Impressed You’re at the Gym Button
For the morons on Facebook who like to advertise every time they are the gym. You are just attention-starved and just looking for praise any way you can get it. I stalked your photos on Facebook last week and you still look pretty fat to me. Maybe spend more time using equipment while you’re there and less time updating your status.
The Learn How to Write Button
This button if for someone who has a status update with such poor grammar and spelling that you are shocked that they were able to get out of high school.
The I Have No Clue What You Just Said Button
For people who use so many acronyms in a status update that you have no clue what the hell they just said.
The Shut the Fuck Up Button
This is the most versatile of the suggested Facebook buttons. It can be used in so many ways. It can be used for that person who likes to complain about the smallest obstacle in his/her life or the person who likes to shove his/her religion or political affiliation in your face every day…or for someone just being generally annoying. Anytime you see something like this, which is a lot, hit that STFU button.
The I’m Removing You as a Friend Button
This is pretty self-explanatory. It’s for that status update that puts you over the edge and makes you either hide this person’s updates or remove him/her all together. This is for when the STFU button is just not enough. Why be discreet about it? Let this person know he/ she is completely insufferable and you’re not going to take it anymore.
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