I was attending a friend’s bachelor party recently, and like many bachelor parties, there were strippers involved. As expected, a naked woman eventually approached me, bent over in front of me and shook her bare ass in front of my face. Naturally, I milked this for as long as possible before placing a crisp dollar bill inside her g-string as a token of my appreciation.
As I wedged the dollar bill in between her underwear and her ass, something suddenly occured to me: STRIPPERS ARE UNDERPAID.
How did I come to this realization? Allow me to explain:
Since the beginning of strip clubs, strippers have been paid in dollar bills. The years have come and gone and little has changed. Inflation has gradually weakened the dollar and increased the cost of living, yet strippers continue to be paid in dollar bills.
As a reference point, I’m going to use 1970 as an example to prove my point. 40 years ago, young women would dance around naked in strip clubs, hoping to receive enough dollar bills to support their drug habit or pay their way through medical school.
Today, in 2010, these women are still dancing around naked for the same dollar bill. It just doesn’t seem right. That purse filled with dollar bills just doesn’t go as far as it used to. How are these women going to make enough money to feed their illegitimate children?
I did some quick research to find out the buying power of a dollar back in 1970. According to dollartimes.com, in 1970, a dollar bill had the same buying power as $0.18 does today. Therefore, the strippers of today have to work about five times harder to earn the same living. (Pacman Jones must be happy he lives in this era. It would have cost him a lot more to “make it rain” back then. Who knows how many strippers he would have beat up then?)
On the other hand, one could say we are the beneficiary of this inflation. Surely, strip club owners realized that dollar bills were no longer going to cut it and this has allowed for better forms of naked entertainment to be ushered in, such as the lap dance, lesbian shows or whatever other crazy shit might go on that I don’t know about. Inflation has certainly helped strip clubs evolve for the better.
And for those of us who don’t want to break the bank when going to a strip club, we can still be old-fashioned by turning down lap dances and just sitting by the stage, while taking in the view for a dollar at a time.
But I think we all need to make sacrifices in these tough economic times. Think about that stripper who is a single mom and strips a couple nights a week to feed her child, or the dancer who never got into Juilliard and is stripping until she gets her “big break.” What about them? How are they supposed to get by when we only put a single dollar bill in their panties?
So I ask you this: Next time you go to your local stripping establishment, don’t break that $20 bill with singles; break it up with five dollar bills instead. The strippers will appreciate your generosity.
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