I’m a pretty hardcore baseball fan. I’ve played and watched baseball my entire life and I love everything about it. I’m willing to bet there aren’t many people out there into our national pastime more than I am.
I’ve attended my fair share of baseball games over the years and every time I go, I always see some actions by other fans that get under my skin. Some people just don’t know the right way to watch a baseball game. When I go to games with Mrs. Sacks or my brother, I complain about these things constantly. I guess I just can’t understand how people don’t enjoy the game as much as me.
Because of this, I’ve created some rules to inform you less-passionate baseball fans out there the proper way to attend a ball game.
Rule #1: Leaving the game early is not allowed (There are only a few exceptions to this rule)
I cannot understand how people can leave a game early—especially a game that is still in question. How can you watch eight innings of a game and not see the final outcome? That’s like going to see a Broadway play and then leaving during intermission. Don’t you want to see what happens? You paid all this money. Why not get your money’s worth!?
Unlike other sports, there is no clock in baseball. The winning team has to record 27 outs. So technically, no deficit is impossible to overcome. You never know when you could be missing an historic comeback. As a very smart Yankees fan said to me at a game recently, “I don’t leave until I hear Sinatra.” Wiser words have never been spoken
As I mentioned, there are a few exceptions to this rule:
Exception #1: You have small children.
After three hours of sitting in the same seat, your children have probably lost complete interest in the game and are likely misbehaving and annoying the crap out of you. If it’s gotten to this point, you have a free pass to leave the game early.
Exception #2: The game goes into a long rain delay with your favorite team trailing by eight or more runs in the eighth inning on a freezing cold day in April, in which it’s likely the umpires will call the game early.
Those are the only two exceptions. Extra innings, traffic and getting up early are not acceptable reasons for leaving a game early.
If you’re over the age of 18 you should no longer bring your glove to the game. There’s something so emasculating about a grown man sitting in the upper deck, pounding his glove, hoping for a souvenir off the bat of a 20 year-old ball player. I’ve never caught a ball in my life and this bothers me immensely but I’m still not bringing a glove to a game.
I can recall an instance where I probably would have gotten my first souvenir if I had a glove. It was a few years ago and I was in Philadelphia for a Mets/ Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park. We were sitting just to the right of the foul pole in the left field seats.
Prior the game, I made fun of a buddy of mine for bringing his glove to the game. Shortly after, Carlos Gomez (then with the Mets) hit a deep fly ball to left that hooked foul at the last moment. The ball was heading just to my right, about two seats over. I dived over my wife (then girlfriend) and reached out for the ball. It hit off my palm and landed in the hands of the guy behind me. It was a difficult grab to make bare handed but very makeable with a glove. My buddy—seeing an opportunity to get back at me for my earlier comments—said to me, “If you had a glove you would have caught it.” I replied, “Probably. But I still don’t regret it.”
This one I cannot stress enough. Men should not allow their girl to accompany them to the game wearing a pink hat with the logo of their favorite team. This problem is particularly prevalent among perennial winners, such as the Yankees or Red Sox.
If your girl shows up to the game with a pink hat: DUMP HER. It’s like Sonny’s test in “A Bronx Tale”. It’s a sure-fire way to tell if a girl is no good. My last girlfriend before I met my wife wore a pink Yankees hat in my presence. I was furious and demanded she take it off instantly. I should have known at that point it was never going to work out.
Rule #4 If you purchase ice cream during the game, you must purchase it in the souvenir plastic cap. No other type of ice cream purchase is acceptable.
This one seems to a no-brainer to me. YOU HAVE TO eat the ice cream out of the little plastic hat. I can’t really explain it, but it makes ice cream even more enjoyable than usual. I was stunned to see Mrs. Sacks come back plastic hat-less after an ice cream run during the seventh inning stretch of a game recently. I gave her a pass though. She only got into baseball recently. She’s still learning.
Rule #5 Sit in your seats
There have been a number of new stadiums built in major league baseball over the past decade or so. These new state-of-the-art parks feature many exclusive “clubs” where people can hang out, eat and drink, and watch the games on television. These are fine places to hang out before and after the game, but during the game, I’ll be sitting in my seat, ordering a hot dog and beer and taking in the action.
Yet even during the game, so many people will just hang out at one of these places, away from the field and watch the game on television. I DON’T GET THAT. If I wanted to watch the game on television, I could just stay home and not have to deal with traffic and overpriced parking.
I HATE THE WAVE. The wave is for small children and casual fans that are bored by the fifth inning. All it does is block my view of the game. I don’t care how much you try and prod me to do the wave; I’m not getting up unless my team makes an exciting play. You are also encouraged to spread the word of this rule to your friends. TOGETHER WE CAN ELIMINATE THE WAVE FOREVER.
Rule #7 Get your jersey updated
When attending a baseball game, if you decide to wear a jersey please DO NOT wear a jersey of player that is no longer on the team. Don’t show up to Yankee Stadium with a Jason Giambi jersey or to an Indians game with a C.C. Sabathia jersey. If you spent $100 dollars or more for a jersey of your favorite player and he was traded or signed with another team, that’s tough shit—buy a new one or wear something else.
However, it is ok to wear an old player’s jersey if they are a fan favorite from years’ past. For example, a Kirby Puckett #34 Twins or a Gary Carter #8 Mets jersey is perfectly acceptable.
That about covers it! Please follow these rules at all times. Especially at games I attend.
If you have some rules of your own, feel free to share them.
Like this Post? Follow LWB on Twitter, like on Facebook, or grab the RSS feed
GET THE OFFICIAL LIVING WITH BALLS T-SHIRT!!
Want to Advertise? I offer very cheap rates. Contact me here if interested.
Learn more about Living With Balls