Every so often I run into someone I just want to punch in the face. For whatever reason they just get under my skin. I may not even know them or ever talk to them. They just give off a vibe that says “I deserve to be punched in the face.” Here are some of these people.
NEW ERA STICKER CAP GUY
This is the guy who buys a New Era baseball cap and then never takes the sticker off the brim. I hate New Era Sticker Cap guy. When you a buy a new shirt, do you leave the tag on? No. So why the fuck do you leave the sticker on?… And bend the god damn brim for Christ’s sake. You look retarded. Any time I see you, New Era Sticker Cap guy, I have to use all my willpower to keep from knocking you out.
TAKES SOFTBALL WAY TOO SERIOUSLY GUY
If you play slow-pitch softball, you already know what I’m talking about. This is the guy that gets on his teammates for making an error, gets thrown out of the game for arguing with the umpire and likes to pick fights with a player on the other team who slid too hard into second base. Relax. It’s friggin’ softball. It’s Sunday morning. Half the guys are hung over from the night before and the other half are drinking during the game. This isn’t the pros. So bring it down a notch or two.
WEARS A WIFEBEATER TO A CLUB GUY
This is the guy who thinks it’s ok to wear a wifebeater to a bar or club. Since when did a $3 undershirt become appropriate attire for a night out? I get it. You have big muscles and you want to show them off. BFD. I have big balls. I don’t wear a speedo to the bar.
I’m a full-blooded Italian American male and douchebags like the guy to my left are ruining the image of Italians everywhere. You’re the reason Italians get stereotyped; with your orange skin and your spiky hair and Armani Exchange t-shirts. You make me sick. You probably spend your weekends hanging out at clubs with Wifebeater guy. Staten Island, Long Island and Jersey are just overrun with you fuckers. You are spreading faster than the swine flu. I’d like to punch you and your boys so hard that no amount of makeup or tanning lotion can cover it up.
THE CURSES AT THE BALLPARK IN FRONT OF CHILDREN GUY
I know sports fans are passionate. I am one of them. However, is it necessary to curse and swear at a baseball game when there are a little kids every where? Does my three-year old nephew need to hear you call A-Rod a cunt after he strikes out with the bases loaded? Curse all you want at home or in the bar or anywhere else where there are no children. Just keep it clean at the park. Here’s a great example of what I’m talking about.
PIMP OUT MY SHITTY CAR GUY
This is the guy who drives a Toyota Corolla or a Chevy Cobalt and tries to pimp it out. He’s got the rims, the hideous spoiler, the blacked out lights; all that crap. Do you realize with the amount of money you wasted upgrading this shitty economy car, you probably could have just bought a BMW in the first place? Look at this piece of shit. It’s a ford escort. Who does that?
And here are some real people I’d like to knock out…
Fuck you Brandon Webb. I drafted you in the third round of my fantasy draft this season and you were supposed to lead me to the championship. Instead you threw one lousy game, got rocked and haven’t pitched since. Not only that, you teased fantasy owners everywhere with your constant reports of returning to the mound. First you were only supposed to miss a start, then it was just a month, then it was the all-star break. Now you won’t pitch ‘till 2010. You teased me more the hot girl in high school who would flirt with a nerd just to get a copy of last nights math homework.
How the fuck did you get a job on baseball tonight, you stupid fat fuck? Every time I turn on Baseball Tonight, all I hear is you babbling over the highlights. I am shocked that you have been able to keep this job for so long. Here’s how a typical Baseball Tonight highlight goes when John Kruk is on the show:
Karl Ravech: We pick things up in the bottom of the second. Derek Jeter rips a fastball over the right field fence for a solo shot to give the Yanks a 1-0 lead.
John Kruk: I’ll tell ya, Derek Jeter…gibberish, gibberish, incoherent babble…Yankee Captain…When I was with the Phillies…blah, blah, I like doughnuts.
Meanwhile, five other clips have been shown and they’ve already moved on to the next game. Thank God for the MLB Network. I can now enjoy looking at Hazel Mae, while also getting coherent baseball highlights.
How the fuck is that guy so popular? He is the worst rapper who ever lived, yet somehow he sells millions of records. The guy has a vocabulary of an eight-year old. It just goes to show you how bad rap has gotten that Lil’ Wayne is the probably the biggest rapper out there. I’d love to punch his gold teeth right out of his mouth. I believe this guy really says it best though.
Got any other type of people you’d like to punch out. COMMENT ABOUT IT!!
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