My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLVIII


Actual wife still not pictured

The legend of Mrs. Sacks continues. Three years ago, I was struggling to pick a winner against the spread for the Super Bowl. So I decided to do something wacky and consult my wife for her pick, even though she knows next to nothing about football. Three years later, she is a perfect 3-for-3 in her picks.

In Super Bowl 45, she predicted the Packers would top the Steelers and cover the number—and she nearly got the score exactly right. In Super Bowl 46, she said the Giants would upset the Patriots, and last season, she prognosticated that the underdog Ravens would cover the spread and win outright over the 49ers.

So here I am again, consulting my wife in hopes she can pick me a winner for the fourth year in a row. Here’s what she had to say…

(As a reminder, this conversation is completely real)

Johnny Sacks: Tell me what you know about the Seattle Seahawks.

Mrs. Sacks: I know they are in Seattle and their uniforms have this cool green color. I know their quarterback is new. This is his second year and he was first string out of college.

Johnny Sacks: WOW. That’s actually more than I expected you to know.  I’m worried you might be too knowledgeable for this now. Can you tell me what you know about the Broncos?

Mrs. Sacks: Peyton Manning is their quarterback. They are from Denver and their colors aren’t as cool as the Seahawks. That’s really all I know.

Johnny Sacks: Ok. That’s a little more like it…Now, this year’s game will be the first cold-weather Super Bowl in history.  Do you think the cold weather will have an influence on the game?

Mrs. Sacks: I don’t think it will affect the game too much. Both teams are from cold weather cities, so they should be used to it. Plus football players are pretty tough.

Johnny Sacks: That is a good point. Let’s go with some tougher questions…

Ok. In this game, you have Peyton Manning—the veteran QB, who is a prototypical pocket passer, known for his quick decision-making and accuracy. On the other side, you have Russell Wilson who is young and athletic. He can extend plays with his legs and can throw a great deep ball. Which QB do you think will do better in this game?

Mrs. Sacks: Peyton Manning has some seniority but, what’s his name—Russell Wilson is hot. So I’m not really sure.

Johnny Sacks: Ok well, what do you think the Broncos will have to do to stop Marshawn Lynch from going into Beast Mode?

Mrs. Sacks: Wait, What? Who’s Marshawn Lynch?

Johnny Sacks: He’s the running back from the Seahawks.

Mrs. Sacks: And what the hell is Beast Mode?

Johnny Sacks: It’s his nickname for when he runs wild.

Mrs. Sacks: Ohhh ok. I guess they should try blocking him?

Johnny Sacks: That’s some great analysis!…Anyway, in this game we have Denver’s #1 offense in the league going against the Seahawks top-ranked defense. Who do you think has the advantage in a situation like this? The offense or the defense?

Mrs. Sacks: Hmm…this is a tough one. Offense has the quarterback?

Johnny Sacks: (Smacks palm against forehead). YES!

Mrs. Sacks: So you’re saying the Seahawks are better when they don’t have the quarterback on the field and the Broncos are better when the quarterback is on the field?

Johnny Sacks: In a sense, yes.

Mrs. Sacks: I feel like offense because that’s where the quarterback throws the ball to get goals.

Johnny Sacks: Goals? You mean touchdowns.

Mrs. Sacks: Yes. Touchdowns.

Johnny Sacks: Oh boy…Let’s just go to your pick, shall we? The Broncos are favored by 2 ½ points. So do you like Denver or Seattle?

Mrs. Sacks: I’m gonna go with Seattle. The score will be 28-16, Seahawks.

There you have it. Take Seattle + 2 ½. Be sure to get your bets in before word gets to Vegas that Mrs. Sacks made her pick and they move the line.

2 comments for “My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLVIII

  1. Mrs. Sacks
    February 3, 2014 at 3:12 am

    I might not be good at a lot of things…but predicting the Super Bowl I can definitely brag about! There you have it, 4 years in a row!!

  2. Mr. Cleavage
    April 3, 2014 at 2:01 am

    LOL… Bravo Mrs. Sacks.

    Favorite line “wait, what?”

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