My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLVII

Sexy Ravens Fan

Two years ago, I was struggling to decide on what team to bet in the Super Bowl so I decided to consult my good luck charm—my wife.  My wife, Mrs. Sacks, knows next to nothing about football.  Yet amazingly, she accurately predicted the Packers would defeat the Steelers in Super Bowl 45.   The next year I decided to try my luck again, and this time, she not only predicted that the Giants would cover the spread but that they would win outright over the Patriots in Super Bowl 46.

So here am I again trying to pick between two evenly-matched teams.  I’m having trouble deciding between the 49ers and the Ravens.  So for a third straight year, I’m looking to my wife, who doesn’t know the difference between a punt and field goal, to handicap the Super Bowl.  Here’s how the conversation went (This conversation is completely real).

Johnny Sacks: So here we are again.  Let’s see if you can make it 3-for-3.  First, give me some of your impressions about San Francisco.

Mrs. Sacks:  San Francisco is a pretty cool city. It’s very hilly.  I noticed a lot of people smoke pot there and there are lots of vegans. It has a much different vibe than New York.

Johnny Sacks: That’s great but what about the football team that plays there?  Can you tell me anything about the 49ers?

Mrs. Sacks: Not really.  All I know is that the headquarters for my job are in San Francisco and that all my co-workers are rooting for the 49ers.

Johnny Sacks:  Ok then. How about Baltimore? Do you know anything about the Ravens?

Mrs. Sacks: Other than it being a bird?  No.

Johnny Sacks: Ok. Well let’s attempt to get into the specifics of the game. The two coaches in the game, Jim Harbaugh and John Harbaugh, are brothers. Do you think the fact that they are brothers will have any affect on the outcome of the game?

Mrs. Sacks: Yes. Because their parents have to pick one side.

Johnny Sacks: Not sure what difference that would make. If you were their parents, whom would you root for?

Mrs. Sacks: The team with the better colors.

Johnny Sacks:  haha..ok. Moving on. Baltimore QB Joe Flacco has really elevated his game the past few weeks. Do you think he can continue his great play against a tough San Francisco 49ers defense?

Mrs. Sacks: I guess so. He got to the Super Bowl. He has to have done something right to get this far.

Johnny Sacks: That might be the first somewhat intelligent, reasoned argument you have given me in three years doing this. Let’s see if you can keep this up. Will the Ravens be able to stop the dynamic QB Colin Kaepernick in this game?

Mrs. Sacks: No because he has a cool name.  Usually people with cool names are successful.

Johnny Sacks: And we were doing so well. Last questions before we get to your pick.  Do you think the Ravens are feeling a little extra motivation to win the Super Bowl being that Ray Lewis is retiring?

Mrs. Sacks: Who is Ray Lewis?

Johnny Sacks: You don’t know who Ray Lewis is??? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO HE IS??

Mrs. Sacks: I don’t know who any of these people are! Is he the manager?

Johnny Sacks: The manager? No. He is not the manager.  There are no managers in football. There are coaches and we just talked about the Harbaugh brothers being the coaches.  Let’s just get your pick.  The 49ers are favored by 3.5 points over the Ravens.  Who do you like to cover the spread and what is the final score?

Mrs. Sacks:  Hmm…I’ll say the Ravens. Final score 29-16.

Johnny Sacks: That’s kind of a weird score for a football game, but ok. We’ll go with it.  Take the Ravens +3.5!


3 comments for “My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLVII

  1. February 6, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Mrs. Sacks is now 3-for-3!!

  2. Big E
    February 28, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    Regardless, I’m sure Mrs.Sacks is an attractive woman, but if that’s her in the picture I’m surprised you know or care what football is.

  3. Johnny Sacks
    March 2, 2013 at 3:49 am

    haha you’re probably right about that. That is not the real Mrs. Sacks

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