My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLV

It’s Super Bowl week—which for many men is the most important gambling day of the year. The one question on gamblers’ minds everywhere is not who will win the game, but which team will cover the spread?

This is a particularly hard year to bet on the Super Bowl because both teams seem to be evenly matched and the spread is small, with the Green Bay Packers favored by just 2 ½ points over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

If you’re struggling with who to bet on this coming Sunday then you’ve come to the right place.  I’m having a hard time picking this game myself, so I’ve decided to consult with my wife, Mrs. Sacks, and perhaps with her female intuition she can accurately predict which team will cover.  I sat down with my better half recently and asked her to break down the game like only she can.

Johnny Sacks: What are your initial thoughts about Pittsburgh?

Mrs. Sacks: I’ve been to Pittsburgh a few times and I don’t like it. It tries to be like Philadelphia but it’s not nearly as good.   I also hate that their fans wave those stupid towels and I don’t like that “Black and Yellow” song.

Johnny Sacks: I hate that song too.  I believe you are referring to the Terrible Towel.

Mrs. Sacks: Yes. Those things.  They’re stupid.

Johhny Sacks: How about Green Bay?  What do you think about them?

Mrs Sacks: I don’t know much about Green Bay.  I know it’s really cold there.  Where is that exactly anyway? Minnesota?  I don’t really get the mascot either.  What exactly is a Packer?  Is their logo a big suitcase?

Johnny Sacks: (shaking head in disbelief)…No. It’s just a big G.

Mrs. Sacks: Oh ok.  That’s dumb.

Johnny Sacks: Anyway…There are two very talented quarterbacks in this game.  Which team has the edge at quarterback, Pittsburgh or Green Bay?

Mrs. Sacks: Well I know Ben Roethlisberger was in a motorcycle accident and he won a couple Super Bowls already.  I’m not sure who the Packers quarterback is.  I just know its not Brett Favre anymore.   I guess the Steelers have a better quarterback.

Johnny Sacks: The Packers quarterback is Aaron Rodgers.

Mrs. Sacks: Oh ok. Never heard of him. Is he good?

Johnny Sacks: Yes. He’s very good.

Johnny Sacks: Now…the Steelers may very likely be without their Pro Bowl center Maurkice Pouncey.  What impact could that have on the Steelers offense?

Mrs. Sacks: I have no clue what you just said.

Johnny Sacks: The Steelers won’t have their starting center.

Mrs. Sacks: What does the center do?

Johnny Sacks: He hikes the ball.

Mrs. Sacks: Oh so what are they gonna do? Who is gonna hike the ball?

Johnny Sacks: They’ll have to get someone else to do it.  Anyway, moving on…

Johnny Sacks: …Now to the Packers…Do you think Greg Jennings and the other Green Bay receivers can get the best of the Steelers defensive backs, led by perennial all-pro safety Troy Polamalu?

Mrs. Sacks: Who is Troy Polamalu? Is he that guy with the long black hair from the Head & Shoulders commercial?

Johnny Sacks: Yes that’s him.

Mrs. Sacks: Oh. I don’t like him.   He’s ugly. He looks like an Ogre.

Johnny Sacks: So then you like the Packers receivers to win that match-up?

Mrs. Sacks: Sure.

Johnny Sacks: Let’s just skip right to the prediction shall we?  So based on everything you’ve just said, which team do you think will cover the spread?  The Packers are favored by 2 ½ points.

Mrs. Sacks: How does that work again?

Johnny Sacks: If you pick the Packers, they have to win by 3 points or more.  If you take the Steelers they have to win by any score or lose by two points or fewer.

Mrs. Sacks: Hmmm.  Ok.  I guess I’ll take the Packers. Final score 55-17.

Johnny Sacks: 55 points!  I don’t know if there is a team in the league that gave up 55 points in a game this season—and the Steelers have one of the best defenses in the football!

Mrs. Sacks: Ok then. I’ll say 30-20 Packers.

So there you have it folks.  Mrs. Sacks and her vast knowledge of football will not steer you wrong.  Take the Packers -2 ½.

2 comments for “My Wife Handicaps Super Bowl XLV

  1. Pingback: Around The Web Edition 25
  2. TheHebrewHammer
    February 4, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    HAHAH

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