Is that a Grenade Launching Squirrel in Your Pocket or are you Just Happy to See Me?

This is a historic day for Living with Balls. For the first time in LWB history, we have a female contributor. Bejewell who has a blog called The Bean, has agreed to do a guest post. Her blog is one of my personal favorites so I’m very excited to have her on board.

As you can see by the title, she has an interesting sense of humor. Check out her awesome skit below…

Husband: (walks into office and sees multiple photos of testicles on computer screen) Good lord!  What the hell are you doing?

Bejewell: I’m doing research about balls.

Husband: Why are you researching balls?

Bejewell: Because I’m writing a guest post for John.

Husband: Who’s John?

Bejewell: John is a guy with a blog called “Living With Balls.”

Husband: John has a blog about his balls?

Bejewell: Yeah.  Well, I mean, it’s not JUST about balls.  It’s about all kinds of man stuff.

Husband: Man stuff.

Bejewell: Yeah, you know, like sports and chicks and stuff.

Husband: And he asked YOU to write something for it?

Bejewell: Yeah.

Husband: About balls?

Bejewell: Well, the balls were MY idea.

Husband: Why?

Bejewell: I want to be topical.

Husband: No, I mean WHY does John want you to write something for his man blog?

Bejewell: Because he likes me.

Husband: John likes you.

Bejewell: Yeah.

Husband: John, with the blog about his balls.

Bejewell: Yeah.

Husband: Where does this John live?

Bejewell: I’m not sure.  New England, I think.

Husband: Where in New England?

Bejewell: What do you mean?

Husband: I mean, what STATE does he live in?

Bejewell: Are you deaf?  I told you.  New England.

Husband: New England is not a state.

Bejewell: Yes it is.

Husband: No, it’s not.

Bejewell: Yes it is.

Husband: No. It’s not.

Bejewell: Yes, it IS.  They have their own baseball team and everything, duh.

Husband: ???!?

Bejewell: The New England Patriots?  HELLO?  Try to keep up, honey.

Husband: The New England Patriots are a FOOTBALL team.

Bejewell: Well, whatever.  They play for the state of New England.

Husband: New England is not a state.

Bejewell: Then why does it have its own football team?

Husband: Having a football team does NOT automatically make you a state.  What about the Seattle Seahawks?  Or the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?  Do you think THOSE are states, too?

Bejewell: No, but those aren’t real teams.

Husband: WHAT?!?

Bejewell: They’re FANTASY teams.

Husband: ????!?!!??!!?

Bejewell: You know, like in fantasy football.

Husband: You have no idea what fantasy football is, do you.

Bejewell: Sure I do.  It’s a pretend league of made-up football teams that people play for or coach or something. Online.  You know, like Dungeons and Dragons.

Husband: Are you serious?

Bejewell: Why wouldn’t I be serious?

Husband: I can’t believe you’re actually a functioning human adult right now.

Bejewell: You know, SOME people really appreciate my amazing talent.

Husband: Some people.

Bejewell: Yes.

Husband: Like John.

Bejewell: Exactly.

Husband: John, who has a blog about his balls.

Bejewell: Yes.  He likes me.  He liked my post about killer squirrels and mullets. HE can recognize quality blogging when he sees it.

Husband: Obviously.

Bejewell: Are you being sarcastic?

Husband: Of course not.  NOTHING says “quality blogging” like mullets and squirrels.

Bejewell: And Billy Ray Cyrus with a squirrel on his head.  Don’t forget that part.

Husband: How could I?

Bejewell: You know, it’s really amazing that more people aren’t falling all over themselves asking me to guest post for them.

Husband: Absolutely.

Bejewell: Are you being sarcastic again?

Husband: (nodding head) Nope.

Bejewell: (finished Photoshopped picture of balls) Okay, I think it’s done.  What do you think?

Husband: (speechless)

Bejewell: I’m going to take that silence as your approval.

Husband: You DO realize what that looks like.  Right?

Bejewell: Of COURSE I do.  I’m employing SYMBOLIC IMAGERY.  I DID graduate from college, you know.

Husband: And you’re obviously putting that education to excellent use.

Bejewell: You can mock me if you want, but this guest post is going to be AWESOME.  John and I are like the best combination EVER.

Husband: Absolutely. It’s a match made in heaven.

Bejewell: Are you being sarcastic again?

Husband: Can I go now?

(end scene)

In addition to the grenade-launching squirrels, here are a few other great posts from the Bean:

I’m Reasonably Sure the Weiner-Shaped Bubble Gum Shipment Was Just a Happy Accident

Jesus Wants Steve Jobs Dead Just as Much as You Do. Sprint Let’s All Work Together

The Bean can also be followed on Twitter

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  1. mommabird2345 says:

    OMG you are HILARIOUS!!! You’re right, sometimes balls just aren’t enough. :)

  2. Metallman says:

    Oh man… Simply love it! Started following you on Twitter to make sure I don’t miss this kind of blogging gold again. lol Later!
    .-= Metallman´s last blog ..Upcoming Scene From Lost =-.

  3. jimh. says:

    Beej, you can guest post for me any day! Of course, that will be the day that my blog tops one hundred hits in a day…which I came closest to when Billy Mays died. Yeah, my blog caused Billy Mays to die, you can thank me later. I got some hate mail that day…how was I to know writing about how much I hated him would cause him to die over a year later?
    .-= jimh.´s last blog ..Happy Birthday! Happy Earth Day!! =-.

  4. Ann's Rants says:

    I am a huge supporter of Beej and her fantastic nads.

  5. Kelley ahr says:


  6. Kay says:

    This is a killer piece of writing! I had my husband (the columnist) read it and he said you are a strong writer with a creative style. To summarize, this is tits!

  7. PuppyJuice says:

    That was a really cool post, different than most, but that’s why I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

  8. rebecca says:

    you said “balls”…hehehehhee

  9. E says:

    Great skit – knee slapping!

  10. Oh, goodness. You have a new reader, Bejewell – and an open invitation to guest post on The Casual Observer.

    The Patriots bit is solid gold.
    .-= kosmo @ The Casual Observer´s last blog ..What Does Mitch Albom Know About Fantasy Baseball? =-.

  11. Charles Arcella says:

    Wow. that’s all i got

  12. Mr. Cleavage says:

    I never knew chicks could be so clever…I really must start paying more attention to their end of the conversation. By the way, are they bigger than a ‘C’ cup?

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