Seven Tips on How to Get Over a Break-Up

How to survive a break upGetting dumped is hard.  Chances are you’ve been dumped by a girl you were crazy about at some point in your life.  If you haven’t yet, it will probably happen eventually.   There’s no shame in getting upset about it.  It hurts to get dumped, no matter how much of a tough guy you think you are.

The time period immediately following a break-up can be devastating.  You wake up the next morning after getting dumped, thinking it was a bad dream.  Then eventually reality sets in and depression hits.   You probably barely have the motivation to put on pants or even get out of bed.  Nothing in life brings you joy, except for listening to Brian McKnight’s “6, 8, 12” on repeat.

Being heartbroken is one of the shittiest feelings a man is likely to ever experience.  Unfortunately, it can be something that is hard to shake.

Time is the main ingredient in the recipe for getting over a break-up. But a man can expedite this process if he handles things properly or he can make the recovery process take even longer if things are handled poorly.   Here are some important tips which can help a heartbroken man get over a break-up as fast as possible.

1. DO NOT CALL HER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE!

After a break-up you will likely be tempted to call your ex-girlfriend.  Maybe you want to talk things out, maybe you miss the sound of her voice or maybe you just want to call her stupid cunt for breaking your heart.

Whatever the reason, calling an ex-girlfriend shortly after a break-up will likely have negative consequences.  You’ll either start crying like a little bitch, beg her to take you back or get frustrated and call her all sorts of nasty words like the one I just wrote above.  Whatever the case is, you have just made your situation worse.

I know it can be tough to stay away but you have to resist the urge as best you can.  It will be for the best.   You need to do whatever you can to get her out of your mind and calling her will only keep her fresh in your thoughts.   Cutting off all contact is the best way to go.

2. STAY AWAY FROM SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES

This is similar to the first rule, in that it involves contacting your ex, though Facebook is a slightly more indirect method of communication.  I haven’t had a bad break-up in the post-Facebook world so this was never an issue for me.   I met my wife in 2005, right around the time that Facebook began to take off.   Obviously I haven’t been dumped since then.

However, when I went through a tough break-up, instant messenger was the big thing.  I remember stalking an ex-girlfriend’s away messages to see what she was up to.  Inevitably, I’d see some message about her going out to a club or a bar.  For the rest of the night, I couldn’t shake the image in my head of some dude’s junk rubbing up against her, as he grinds against her on the dance floor.  This would just get me more upset.  The same holds true for Facebook.  You may not like what you read on her status update, so its best to just hide her from your news feed.  Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

#3. DON’T HOLD OUT HOPE THAT YOU’LL GET BACK TOGETHER

Hope is a great thing in most cases but when it comes to a break-up it can make things more painful.   Perhaps your ex-girlfriend told you that she needed some space and mentioned that there is a chance you two can give it a shot again some time in the future.  This probably happens a lot.  I’ve had this said to me multiple times after being dumped and I never got back together with any of them.  I have also used this line when roles were reversed, even though I knew I’d never get back with the girl.   I guess it just helps to soften the blow a little bit.

If she told you something similar during your break-up, just pretend like she never said it.  If she comes crawling back to you in the future and getting your ex back is something you want to do, then great.  But if she doesn’t, at least you’ll have mentally prepared yourself better to be without her.

#4 THIS ISN’T THE MOVIES. DESPERATE ATTEMPTS TO GET HER BACK WILL RE-OPEN THE WOUND

After a really tough break-up, there is a chance you may be in desperation mode.   You may be tempted to make a desperate attempt to win back her affection.   Doing something like writing her a poem or singing a love song outside her apartment window in the rain may work in the movies but in real life this will make you look pathetic.

The only situation where something like this would work is if you broke up because you screwed up.  If you cheated on her or said or did something you shouldn’t have, something like this may actually work.  In fact, in that situation, I’d probably encourage you take some action.  Doing something like this could show the girl you are serious about the relationship and want to atone for your mistakes.

However, if you broke up because she claimed she needed space, she told you she wanted to find herself, or she gave you the bogus “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, then this will not help at all.

When your attempt fails miserably, it will “reset the clock.”  Any break-up takes time to get over and if you try something like this and fail, it will be like getting dumped all over again.   Your ego will take another hit and you’ll dive deeper into depression.

#5 AVOID GETTING DRUNK FOR A WHILE

After getting your heart ripped out, it’s easy to turn to alcohol to help relieve the pain your feeling.  But this is a VERY bad idea.  If you get drunk following a break-up, you are nearly guaranteed to drunk-dial your ex.

As many of us know, drunk-dialing rarely ends well.  A friend of mine, who frequents the comment section of Living with Balls, once drunk dialed his ex-girlfriend shortly after getting dumped.  He desperately wanted to get back with her at the time, but after a long night of drinking he decided to call her repeatedly.  After she ignored his continuous phone calls, he decided to let out his frustration on her voicemail, calling her every derogatory remark for a female you could think of.  Needless to say, he never got back with her.

In addition, drinking may make you feel better for a little while but when you sober up, you’ll be left in the same crappy situation, except with a hangover on top of it.

#6 IF YOU HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS, DON’T HANG OUT WITH THEM FOR A WHILE

When two people have been dating for a long time, it’s likely they end up becoming close with each other’s friends.  Sometimes those two groups can even merge to create a bigger group of friends.  This is a great thing while you’re together, but if you break-up it can create an additional set of problems.

If this is the case, you are stuck with the shitty scenario of being forced to choose between hanging out with your friends and risk running into your ex or staying home and masturbating before crying yourself to sleep.   Both scenarios suck but you’re better off staying home and rubbing one out.

This situation sucks for everyone involved.  You shouldn’t have to lose friends over a break-up but unfortunately that is sometimes the case.  You don’t want to run into you ex at the time you are most vulnerable.  This will just make things harder for the both of you and will probably create plenty of drama.  My best suggestion is to just stay away for a little while until things blow over.  It’s possible you can eventually still all hang out together, but you need to let things cool down for a little while first.

#7 [INSERT CHEESY PLATITUDE PEOPLE SAY ABOUT GETTING DUMPED TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER]

You know that stupid saying that goes “if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be?” That is a tired cliché but there actually is an element of truth to it.

If this girl truly loves you, eventually she will realize she has made a mistake.  But she’ll never realize this if she thinks she can get you back at anytime.  If this girl thinks you have moved on and there is a chance she may lose you forever, then she may start to rethink her actions.   It’s human nature to want something we can’t have.   And if she doesn’t ever come back to you, then at least you’ll have gotten over her quicker and you can move on to another girl.

12 comments for “Seven Tips on How to Get Over a Break-Up

  1. October 29, 2011 at 10:35 am

    I think I dig this. All around solid advice. My friend just broke up with his girl. I wish there was some way to post stuff on his wall anonymously.

  2. peter
    January 31, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    I got dumped, its been a month. But this is some good solid advice.

  3. Jay Wyatt
    January 31, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    There is a great book out there, She left you, so now what published by Chris Carpenter. It helped me a whole lot! it’s on amazon.

    http://www.amazon.com/She-Left-You-NOW-WHAT/dp/1469916851/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328055303&sr=8-1

  4. December 12, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    This is the BEST advice that’s out here. Concise, unsentimental, and right on point. Someone who always wanted to be with me got with me after 20 years, and a month later she was “in love” with some loser dude from Ireland who lives with his mother, and now she’s going there to visit him. I felt like total shit for a while, since this happened right before Xmas, but then realized that if she’s capable of this, she’s capable of anything. I still love her intensely, but no one can compete with that kind of crazy. THANKS.

  5. Mike
    December 18, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Good advice…. I will for sure follow these… It’s hard but it’s gotta be done

  6. One
    December 19, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Deactivate Facebook twitter msn or any other website
    Do not join a dating site as she may find you and mess with you on there
    Remove or block anyone on ur cell who she knows or who may talk to her
    Do this for a month make sure your always doing something interesting that will take your mind off her
    Stay away from bars as she may know where you may be try to do the things you have always wanted to do but never could. Go places you have never been and you just may bump in to someone who will remove all thought of your ex. And take it slow. No girl likes a man fresh out of a relationship and if they do than there the same as your ex and most likely to hop in bed with any guy
    Me I’ve been threw this whole thing a lot and this always works for me. It’s a lot harder with kids involved but make it clear that you will see the kids when your ready and not when she says
    Always say as little as possible to her when you pickup the kids or there dropped off just grab them and go. Bring them back the same way. Only wander questions regarding the kids as short as possible
    If you have a jail token iPhone I recommend. (I blacklist) it will auto block or send any phone umber to wandering machine. It will allow you to have free time without hearing a call from any number. Don’t you hate it when they call when your out on the town hope it helps guys. Your not alone

  7. fromPhilippines
    February 20, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    this is a nice advice. after how many days searching online. i found this article very helpful. dont let the girl think that you are still there waiting for her, dont be a 2nd option. make her feel that you are gone! and wish her all luck for the mistake she made. go on with life. love yourself. this is not the end of the world. find support from your family and friends. keep your head high. set goals in life.

  8. Jaseuk
    March 21, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    Great advice. We will all try and do the thing where we try desperately to hang on and it only makes things a lot worse. Spend time with friends and family those people who make you feel good about yourself. Also cut her off. Delete her number delete her off fb and twitter it takes 28 days to break a habit and every day will get better and then before you know it someone else may have caught your eye or she may just may have realised her mistake and ask to see you. But make sure its on your terms and dont go meeting her at the drop of a hat. Women are curious and wired differently than men. If she doesnt call then hey by the time you do all of the above you would of naturally moved on anyway.

  9. Maltaman
    July 27, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    I was dumped about a week ago. She was everything I ever wanted and for some reason, despite us making plans to move in together and telling each other we love each other, she wasn’t ready for another relationship. She was 7 years younger than me and as a result I was a lot more settled than she was.
    She told me exactly the same thing published above – that she needed time and that if it is meant to be it will be. Now I realise it was simply said to soften the blow. Regardless, if it was the truth, I’ve now ruined it – I flew back to the UK to spend time away from her and missed her so much that I begged for her back. I’m now in denial – I couldn’t accept that it was over and now I don’t think we will even be friends. I’m currently trying my best not to send her any messages – on day 3 at the moment. Hurts like a m*therf*cker.

  10. PL
    August 3, 2013 at 4:37 am

    Mutually broke up with my ex-gf of 3 years this week. She needed space and wanted to live her life while I shared different views and was being held back from doing what I enjoyed. We were honest with each other instead of sugar coating bs.

    I’ve had great support and encouragement from family and friends; however last night I had a dream of her being intimate with another man.

    I was feeling pretty good with things but then my subconscious goes and throws me a curveball.

    What I learned and gathered out of this dream was:

    You need to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people are the ones that have fought through the toughest times because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them back.

    This dream will not hold me back because I know things will get better.

  11. Kiddoin
    August 10, 2013 at 4:22 am

    My gf of 2 years dumped me. We just separated for less than a month with her going back to her home town during university semester break. Told me she was sorry and there is a new local “asshole” who came after her,giving her the type of love and care that I could never give. She told me she had been keeping in her heart all the sadness and negative feelings inside her during our relationship and said that I was not concern. WTF, I am not a mind reader… I dont deny having some problems with my ex due to the long distance but I really hate asshole guys who take advantage of other couples problems.

  12. Martin
    August 17, 2013 at 12:37 am

    One of the best advices i have read over the internet…It almost covers everything on which i needed advice…Great Job man!!

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