Five Overrated Sex Acts

Sex is pretty awesome. I think we can all agree about that. What we can’t agree on is what sex acts are the best. Sure there are some that pretty much everyone agrees, when done right, are FANTASTIC (e.g. blow jobs). But there are others where the hype is better than the actual thing. Here are five of the most overrated sex acts.

Titty Fucking

Sure titty fucking seems awesome on the surface. It’s your dick in between some tits! But most of the appeal is the visual aspect of seeing a nice pair of titties squeezed around your dick (which is pretty cool). But that’s where the appeal ends.

To get a decent titty fuck, you need to be with a girl with a big pair of tits to really make it work right. You need a C cup at least—and really a D cup or larger would be ideal. That effectively eliminates a large chunk of the female population who can properly give a good titty fuck. Even with a girl with large tits, titty fucking can prove to be cumbersome and frustrating as you constantly struggle with your dick slipping out. Let’s face it. As great as tits are, they just weren’t built to have a dick squeezed in between them.

Sex in the Shower

Sex in the shower can be great under the right circumstances. You’re in an intimate spot, your both wet and there’s no messy clean up when its over! But most showers are not the ideal spot for fucking. Most bath tubs are not made for two people and doing it standing up on a slippery tub can prove to be uncomfortable—and sometimes dangerous! If you’re fortunate to be somewhere with an oversized shower (the best kinds have a place to sit) then you can have a lot fun. But in your typical shower, sex is not the ideal spot.

Hand Jobs

I debated if I should even put this one on this list because it’s a general consensus among men that hand jobs suck. So you can hardly says it’s overrated. But I figured I’d throw it on the list anyway just to emphasize how much hand jobs suck. As the old cliché goes, why would I want a hand job when I can do it better myself?

I’ve had some bad experiences with some women and hand jobs in my day. Some women think they are trying to start a fire when giving a hand job. They think grabbing it as hard and stroking it as fast as possible is enjoyable for us (hint ladies, it’s not).

On top of that, I don’t think I’ve gotten a hand job since before I lost my virginity. After all, why would I go back to getting hand jobs after having sex? It’s like using a cassette player when I have an iPod. Why would I want to downgrade when I’ve had the best? Hand jobs are for teenagers.

Anal Sex

Maybe I’m not the best person to speak about this because I’ve never done it. But that’s because I have NO desire to do it. It seems to me that A LOT of men aspire to do this and I just don’t get it. The idea of it disgusts me. When I see it in a porn video I fast forward right through it.

I’ve never wanted to do it. Especially to a woman I actually like. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye afterwards. As the hilarious Louis C.K. so eloquently once said, “I’m a millimeter away from the greatest place on Earth. Why would I wanna go in someone’s dried out little asshole?

Crazy Sex Positions

It may be cool to watch a girl get fucked while doing a handstand or some other wacky position but executing these moves in reality isn’t all that enjoyable. Sex should be fun. I shouldn’t have to throw my back out or pull a muscle to do it. I prefer to stick to the basic maneuvers: missionary, doggystyle, cowgirl/ reverse cowgirl and side-by-side (not sure if that one has a cool nickname).

What are your thoughts on this list? Agree or disagree? Would you add any others?

5 comments for “Five Overrated Sex Acts

  1. Mr. Cleavage
    December 10, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MY REBUTTAL COLUMN ON WHY GOD LOVES US AND WANTS US TO TITTY FUCK AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE…

    - MR. C

  2. Big E
    December 13, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I am now pushing 60, so most of my more creative experiences happened pre-AIDs and pre herpes, when safe sex meant a padded headboard, or her parents were gone.
    OUTDOOR SEX
    Many have an idyllic image of a frolic in a meadow or the woods. Hold up, when the weather is warm enough for such things, it is also warm enough for most bugs, most of whom are attracted to hot sweaty bodies. Mosquitos are the least of your worries; there are ticks, horseflies, and I don’t know what they are called outside of the South, there are chiggers. These things burrow into your skin and create an itch worse than 1000 mosquito bites. Throw in Poison Ivy, sumac, oak, and nettles and give me a Holiday Inn everytime.

    THREESOMES
    I would never go for 2 guys/1 girl. I barely tolerate nude guys in the gym or on porn, I don’t need that up close. Besides, imagine two competitive guys trying to outdo each other. If you mess up one on one, there are things one can do for her to make things up, in a threesome, I am not hanging around for a silver medal.
    Two girls has to be one guys most popular fantasy. Great, now keep them happy. There are a lot more pitfalls than you might imagine. If neither is bi-curious, you better be ready.
    I’ve always thought guys egos are more delicate here, you may think you’re all that, but now its double the effort for essentially a single payoff. Be prepared for the blow if they are having a better time after the gun sounds, if you know what I mean. You can’t shoot pool with a rope.

    ANAL SEX
    Anal sex is great, if and only if everything is perfect, a few things go south and you might as well be watching Oz. First, she has do be willing. I’ve known a few who preferred it, but thats for my Playboy letter. Lube lube lube. Clean clean clean.

    Some things just look better on paper, or DVD.

  3. Mostly agreeable
    December 14, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I agree… mostly… I like shower sex, but only 2 women have ever been able to understand the concept of it, she also has to be significantly gifted in natural lubrication or its PAINFUL…otherwise its pretty awesome…
    as for anal, ive never had any issues with it, (lucky me eh?)
    but its def lubed like a son of a bitch….

  4. January 14, 2013 at 12:34 am

    Titty fucking aka hot dogs are overrated. For handjobs, If a girl has a firm grip with a good wrist technique then she can provide a wild orgasm.

  5. smrtp
    July 9, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    why would i have a handjob when i can have sex? because they are infinite times safer in terms of STDs, so handjobs are nice if you are having casual sex.

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