Crazy Stuff Found in Hammacher Schlemmer

Hammacher Schlemmer, the oldest running catalog, claims to offer the best, the only and the unexpected for 161 Years.  I had never even heard of this company until a few weeks ago but after thumbing through their catalog recently, I’d say their slogan is pretty spot on.  I found a number of items that could certainly be described as unexpected. Therefore I thought I’d share some of the craziest items I found.  If you’re looking for some unique gift ideas for Christmas be sure to read this. 

penThe Video Camera Pen
Want to video tape the girl you just brought home without her knowing? How about getting back on your cheating girlfriend by posting a video on youporn? Then the video camera pen is for you!  This ball-point pen is equipped with a built in video camera that can record from up to 25 feet away.  A half hour of video can be stored with 640 x480 resolution within the pen’s 4 GB memory card.  Just plant this baby on the dresser before sex and you’re good to go! This gift is perfect for the stalker or pervert in your life.—and it only costs 129.95!



kirkchairThe Authentic James T. Kirk Captain’s Chair
Are you not getting laid?  Well nothing says I haven’t seen a women’s vagina in my life more than this authentic Star Trek James T. Kirk Captains Chair.  This is a full scale replica of Captain Kirk’s chair from the original Star Trek series.  For only $2900 you can proudly display this seat in your living room and show any woman that might step foot in your house that you have no chance of satisfying her sexually.

If you’re feeling extra nerdy be sure to pick up the Star Trek internet communicator as well.



r2d2The Voice Activated R2-D2
Why get a dog when you can get a voice activated R2-D2?  This is a motorized replica of everyone’s favorite droid from Star Wars.  R2 obeys more than 40 voice-activated commands, detects motion and can even dance.  I know I said the Star Trek thing was pretty nerdy and so is this. But I seriously might buy this. This thing is awesome.  Be sure to pick up the authentic, replica lightsabers and model Millenium Falcon also.




beer-coolerThe Remote Controlled Beverage Cooler
Do you love beer but hate actually getting off the couch to get one?  Well when your girlfriend isn’t around to fetch you one, the remote controlled cooler fills in nicely.  The cooler can be controlled within a 40 foot radius and carries up to 12 beverages—which is more than enough to get you hammered.  Now only if we can find a way to piss without getting up to go to the bathroom.




toiletThe Automatic Deodorizing Toilet Seat
Are you constantly turning off your girlfriend or wife with your smelly bowel movements?  Well then you need to purchase the Automatic Deodorizing Toilet Seat. This is how it’s described: “As you sit on the seat, a whisper-quiet fan passes air through a replaceable carbon filter that absorbs odors, and is then freshened with one of two included fragrance modules, infused with pleasing, natural extracts, including Jasmine/Lavender and Citrus/Eucalyptus.”  Your girl will never curse at you again for stinking up the entire floor with your disgusting, smelly shits.  Maybe you can get away with buying this for her for Christmas.




wearable-blanketThe Wearable Blanket
Just when you thought nothing could look more silly than the snuggie, Hammacher Schlemmer provides its own version.  How do you make the Snuggie uglier? Make it plaid of course!  This one can also be snapped and zippered in the back, unlike the Snuggie. Sounds pretty similar to a robe though.   

There are plenty of other crazy stuff on Hammacher Schlemmer. You can find it here:

2 comments for “Crazy Stuff Found in Hammacher Schlemmer

  1. Future Mrs. S
    November 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    You will not be buying an R2-D2 in place of a dog. thanks. Robots can’t love you back!

  2. November 24, 2009 at 8:31 am

    I had no idea this existed! Thanks! Every year about this time, I open up my blog and invite
    GUEST-POSTERS to contribute. Please let me know if you’d like to participate!

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