I’ve spent plenty of time at bars alone. I’ve also spent plenty of time at bars with friends. There are drastic differences in how the bartender perceives you, how patrons perceive you, and believe it or not…how you perceive yourself.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a creep. But, I also know plenty of non-creeps who find themselves at bars alone. The reason that I’m writing this article is because I find it interesting that the answer to this blog doesn’t lie in truth…it lies in perception.
The concept of a wingman is very interesting. There are “good wingmen” and “bad wingmen,” right? Well regardless, I submit to you that your chances of successfully engaging in any sort of social interaction at a bar are much better with a “bad wingman” than “no wingman”. I should also let you know that this pertains ONLY to males being alone at a bar. After all…if a female is alone at a bar, it’s either assumed that she’s intercoursing the bartender, or looking to be intercoursed by somebody else. Bottom line, you suffer no consequences from being a creepy female in a bar….alone or with buddies. I’m also assuming this is a typical, active bar…not something like an airport bar where it’s clear that you could possibly be alone.
I’m pretty sure that there are two basic perceptions of guys that girls use to formulate quick opinions from a distance in bars:
1. Attractiveness. Are you somebody they want to french in the bar and maybe intercourse at some point? Yeah that’s right..I said “French”. Whether you’re alone at a bar, or with a giant crew, this is still important. Now obviously, the girl’s standards should correspond to their own attractiveness, but either way, physical appearance is always the first step. If you’re ugly, then being a creep should be the least of your worries. Sorry for my brutal honesty.
2. Social Animation. If a girl sees a boy that catches her eye, he will naturally seem more desirable if he appears to be enjoying himself with his friends. For example, if two guys are in a bar together having drinks, not engaging in any sort of conversation together, and staring around the bar, they look desperate and boring. Furthermore, if a person is alone in a bar, scoping their surroundings, they look desperate, boring, and CREEPY.
It’s unfortunate that reality is superseded by perception if you’re alone at a bar (assuming you’re actually not a creep). However, if you understand that you are initially perceived as a creep, there are measures that you can take to not only quantify your normalcy, but (if done successfully) perhaps take yourself to levels unreachable if you were with a friend.
This is what I recommend:
If you are alone at a busy bar, know that you’re not going to be approached by any girls. If you are, intercourse is yours if you want it. But the assumption is that you won’t be. Your best chance is to do the following:
1. Sit at the bar. Do not walk around. SIT AT THE BAR. DO NOT WALK AROUND. Order a drink. If possible, make conversation with the bartender (by the way…the bartender, too, will assume you are a creep for being alone, so make your conversation as normal as possible).
2. Send text messages on your phone. If you don’t really want to text anybody, pretend to be texting. At least people will think you’re waiting on somebody, or at the very least, that you actually know somebody. Either way, you’re not sitting alone staring at your drink.
3. When (and IF) you find yourself in a position to initiate a conversation with somebody, it is essential that, within the first minute of conversation, you acknowledge the fact that you’re by yourself. I personally recommend saying, “It feels so strange to be at a bar alone…I feel like a creep!”. This will have to be followed by a reason that you’re alone. You should probably make up a lie, unless you truly have a non-creepy reason. But, make sure you let them know that you’re not OK with the fact that you’re alone.
If you can successfully pull this off, you’re in great shape. You’ve proven your normalcy. You don’t seem desperate for not wanting your conversation to end (because it’s apparent to both of you that you don’t have anyone else to talk to). If you followed the anti-creep steps, and actually got her into you, the fact that you’re alone will work to your advantage.
Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to successfully pull off what I just explained. If you’re alone at a bar, you’re probably going to be perceived like a creep. You’re probably going to act like a creep. And, like in my case, you probably are a creep.
Bring your friend with you.
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