I’m at a Bar Alone. Am I a creep?

can you go to a bar alone?Who the hell are we to answer that question?? Can we really assume you’re a creep just for being in a bar without friends? AB-SO-EFFIN-LUTELY!!!

I’ve spent plenty of time at bars alone. I’ve also spent plenty of time at bars with friends. There are drastic differences in how the bartender perceives you, how patrons perceive you, and believe it or not…how you perceive yourself.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a creep. But, I also know plenty of non-creeps who find themselves at bars alone. The reason that I’m writing this article is because I find it interesting that the answer to this blog doesn’t lie in truth…it lies in perception.

The concept of a wingman is very interesting. There are “good wingmen” and “bad wingmen,” right?  Well regardless, I submit to you that your chances of successfully engaging in any sort of social interaction at a bar are much better with a “bad wingman” than “no wingman”. I should also let you know that this pertains ONLY to males being alone at a bar.  After all…if a female is alone at a bar, it’s either assumed that she’s intercoursing the bartender, or looking to be intercoursed by somebody else.  Bottom line, you suffer no consequences from being a creepy female in a bar….alone or with buddies.  I’m also assuming this is a typical, active bar…not something like an airport bar where it’s clear that you could possibly be alone.

I’m pretty sure that there are two basic perceptions of guys that girls use to formulate quick opinions from a distance in bars:

1. Attractiveness. Are you somebody they want to french in the bar and maybe intercourse at some point?  Yeah that’s right..I said “French”. Whether you’re alone at a bar, or with a giant crew, this is still important.  Now obviously, the girl’s standards should correspond to their own attractiveness, but either way, physical appearance is always the first step.  If you’re ugly, then being a creep should be the least of your worries. Sorry for my brutal honesty.

2. Social Animation. If a girl sees a boy that catches her eye, he will naturally seem more desirable if he appears to be enjoying himself with his friends.  For example, if two guys are in a bar together having drinks, not engaging in any sort of conversation together, and staring around the bar, they look desperate and boring.  Furthermore, if a person is alone in a bar, scoping their surroundings, they look desperate, boring, and CREEPY.

It’s unfortunate that reality is superseded by perception if you’re alone at a bar (assuming you’re actually not a creep). However, if you understand that you are initially perceived as a creep, there are measures that you can take to not only quantify your normalcy, but (if done successfully) perhaps take yourself to levels unreachable if you were with a friend.

This is what I recommend:

If you are alone at a busy bar, know that you’re not going to be approached by any girls. If you are, intercourse is yours if you want it. But the assumption is that you won’t be. Your best chance is to do the following:

1. Sit at the bar. Do not walk around. SIT AT THE BAR. DO NOT WALK AROUND. Order a drink. If possible, make conversation with the bartender (by the way…the bartender, too, will assume you are a creep for being alone, so make your conversation as normal as possible).

2. Send text messages on your phone. If you don’t really want to text anybody, pretend to be texting. At least people will think you’re waiting on somebody, or at the very least, that you actually know somebody. Either way, you’re not sitting alone staring at your drink.

3. When (and IF) you find yourself in a position to initiate a conversation with somebody, it is essential that, within the first minute of conversation, you acknowledge the fact that you’re by yourself. I personally recommend saying, “It feels so strange to be at a bar alone…I feel like a creep!”. This will have to be followed by a reason that you’re alone. You should probably make up a lie, unless you truly have a non-creepy reason. But, make sure you let them know that you’re not OK with the fact that you’re alone.

If you can successfully pull this off, you’re in great shape. You’ve proven your normalcy. You don’t seem desperate for not wanting your conversation to end (because it’s apparent to both of you that you don’t have anyone else to talk to). If you followed the anti-creep steps, and actually got her into you, the fact that you’re alone will work to your advantage.

Unfortunately, it’s almost impossible to successfully pull off what I just explained. If you’re alone at a bar, you’re probably going to be perceived like a creep. You’re probably going to act like a creep. And, like in my case, you probably are a creep.

Bring your friend with you.

38 comments for “I’m at a Bar Alone. Am I a creep?

  1. Jim Phipps
    February 8, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    Very compelling article indeed. Since the author is a self proclaimed creep it seems the article might be considered subjective or possibly tainted. In fact it might be possible that the author is a bit of a “taint” himself. In the end if you are going to a bar by yourself it should be with one thing in mind; picking up some random chick and hoping to score. In my humble opinion the moral of this story is simply this: Don’t act like a fucking weirdo and you won’t be percieved as one. Simple math.

  2. Matt Morea
    February 8, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Wow. Thats some harsh comment Phipps. Give the guy a break. You’re probably some sick monkey who hangs out by himself at bars in the wee hours trying to pick up lady boys. You better apologize or I’ll cut your belly open you sick fuck. Make a comment. I dare you. You and I are going to meet face to face my friend. You pick the time and date.

  3. Kavorka
    February 8, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Jim,
    Thank you for your comment. I’m not sure how my self proclaimed creepiness taints this piece. It’s like saying you would rather watch TItanic than hear about it from the old moron who threw that gorgeous diamond into the ocean. In any case, this is about perception. If you are at a packed bar alone, not acting like a weirdo, you are still perceived as a weirdo, which makes it harder to “score”.

  4. Hugh Gasol
    February 8, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    I seem to do ok by myself. It seems the conversation changes the second I mention the collection of human heads I have in my basement freezer. Should i not discuss my hobbies?

  5. February 8, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    When I was 19, horny, and had something to prove – I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bar alone. I would even feel weird showing up to the bar by myself, even though I knew my friends were there.

    Now, at the ripe old age of 29, I love sitting at the bar by myself. I look forward to the rare occasions where I can peacefully watch the Knicks embarrass the city of New York while being over-served skunky tap beer.

    Most of the time I hope that no one talk to me, because sometimes I’m just not in the mood for obligatory Q and A sessions (“so what do you do for a living?” “Are you a Giants or Jets fan”)

    Now, the perception of me to others may be “creepy”, but I’ll never know that, because I’ll never ask. I’ll never ask because I don’t give a shit. If they’re bored enough to notice me sitting there, then they’re friggin creepy.

    —–

    A girl alone at the bar is much creepier than a guy at a bar.

    Guys go to the bar to eat wings, watch football, bullshit about life, etc.

    Girls go to the bar to meet dudes. that’s it.

    Girls go alone to the bar because all their friends already found dudes.

    They’re the proverbial “last picked in gym class”

    They should try match.com instead.

    • Shmiz
      June 14, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      Wow. That’s pretty harsh, Pomp. As a 25 year old female who has a long-term boyfriend, I’ve been trying to go out alone just to be around people. He works late and I’m tired of sitting at home on Saturday night with nothing to do. It’s lonely. He also goes out for drinks after work sometimes. Sometimes a person wants to have a drink, with no ulterior motives other than to have a drink around other people…and not at home alone.

  6. Jim Phipps
    February 8, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Kavorka- Really? Youre defending the piece? The author is clearly a “taint”. And just to be clear I am describing the little flap of skin between a dude’s asshole and balls so you don’t have to go look it up. Your welcome. What a ridiculous piece. JP

  7. Morea
    February 8, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    I happen to like the article. Would love to see more of it. Jim Phipps obviously lives with his mother and douches. Let’s have more articles like that.
    M8

  8. Morea
    February 8, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    I happen to think it’s a great article. Would love to see more material like that. Jim Phipps obviously lives with his mother and douches.

  9. Kavorka
    February 8, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Jim,

    This isn’t amateur hour. First of all, thanks for defining a taint. I prefer chode to taint, but any pro knows its really called a grundle.

    I am the author here. And honestly, I appreciate criticism, but in all fairness, your comments are nothing more than irrelevant banter.

    My piece is a very useful tool for creeps and non creeps, or at least I like to think it is. Bottom line is, if you have had success popping into bars and pulling out some tail, then you must be either acceptionally handsome, or incredibly charming. I have no idea of you fall into either of these categories.

    If you would like to further criticize this article, I urge you to make a point.

  10. YOYOMA
    February 8, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    As fucking hilarious as this article is, I find nothing funnier than some moron defining what a “taint” is for Trustey….(sorry, kavorka). Didn’t you have a turtle named Taint? It’s like explaining what “juice” is to the Giambino. Good shit. Fake texting is underrated.

  11. Kavorka
    February 9, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Pomp – I agree that if you are going to a bar alone to watch a game, and not to bring home a late night piece, then it really doesn’t matter. The article implies that you are out to get some tush.

  12. K-Bomb
    February 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Kavorka,

    First let me say that I have to concur that Jim certainly is a closeted creep. You get to a point, where its easier to come out and say it. Jim, admit that your a creep and move on. I openly admit that I am that creep,and I want to thank Kavorka for liberating the bar creeps and reminding us that we are not alone. And that it is in some respect an art form. I think you nail it when you say that perception is key. I enjoy going to a bar with friends but sometimes you have to go it alone. I find admitting that you are there alone shows a confidence and thus changes perception. That being said, your hint about texting is a crucial crutch to surviving a night alone at a bar. You need something to focus your attention on. I also find a sporting match is an excellent excuse to be alone at a bar – and sometimes an actual reason. I also tell people I am waiting for someone that has been “held up,” and eventually they become a no show. By that point I am drunk and THAT becomes your reason for drinking alone. Drunk people keep drinking. As for Pomp’s blatantly wrong analysis of male versus female creeps at a bar – I say you couldn’t be more wrong. I did not mention that not only am I a creep, but a female creep, who often tells my boyfriend that I am staying in to clean the kitchen, when in fact I am drinking Irish Car Bombs alone at my local bar, for no reason other than I feel like it. Perhaps there IS something wrong with this, a combination of extroverted-ness, boredom and alcoholism, but not lonely-gal desperation. And your brief tirade about the “last-picked in gym class scenario,” was clearly the well though analysis of a total bar creep. I will agree with you on one point though, that if others think I’m a creep at the bar, I do not know nor do I care.

  13. Tamke
    February 10, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Duderino,

    All you did was say that you ARE actually a creep.

    Then you explained how chicks are gonna perceive you/how to make yourself available to them, when ur chillin by yourself.

    You didn’t spend time on why, if and how you are a creep BECAUSE your ridin’ solo.

    Good read but, you shoulda named the article “Excuse me sir, please don’t let anyone sit here, I’ll be right back.”

  14. kavorka
    February 10, 2012 at 9:35 am

    K-Bomb – That was one kick-ass response. Great points.

    Tampke – The article asks “Am I a creep?” (if i’m out at a bar alone), and my ultimate answer was “Yes”. Even if you’re not a creep, that’s the general perception.

    Appreciate the feedback

  15. Jim Phipps
    February 10, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Ok look. Perhaps I had a large helping of Haterade that day although I am a self proclaimed hater. I’m going to restate my position. The article is well written. No doubt. There are some interesting points but I think the content could be better- not exactly Blender material. Halfway decent piece though- that’s all your getting from me. I am curious to see what else you come up with. If I were a betting man I would bet the farm that the author is a scruffy dude with a pot belly. Just a hunch. JP

  16. kavorka
    February 11, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Kudos Phipps, Vegas scores your bet as a Win and you can keep your farm. Though a month ago, you would have been incorrect as I had a full-out gut, but a dropped a few to reduce it to “pot belly” status.

    I won’t speculate on what you look like. Even though I admitted to being a creep, i’m not THAT creepy. Though I do hope that you are a dashing individual.

    Thanks for the moderate retraction of your earlier posts.

    -KAVORKA

  17. Oobtastic
    February 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Holy shit you people are critical.

  18. Jim Phipps
    February 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Yo Kevorka- I would love to send you a picture of myself if you give me a good email. I am quite dashing in my own circle. JP

  19. Jim Phipps
    February 16, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    The world needs critics. If you don’t like the heat stay out of the kitchen. Bloggers have to have thick skin. See that author- Boobtastic is trying to stick up for you like that other maniac up top. Jeez call the dogs off. That Morea guy is wound a little tight. Of course I doubt thats his real name but shit- put down the crowbar. JP

  20. March 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Where I lived 2 years ago, there was a bar literally (not figuratively) next door to the building, so it didn’t make sense to call friends every time I felt the need to go get a drink and/or some wings

  21. James
    October 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I’ve gone to many bars by myself. It has to be a packed bar. But i get there early, and chat up a chattable female bartender and lie about meeting friends there in an hour or so.. Now, i’m percieved as normal.. and then, if i have to make up a bs excuse about stuff.. and i’ll bring up the same bs excuse whenever i talk to women if they ask. and no problem.. win some lose some.. it works..

  22. Chris
    October 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    This article is the truth! When I use to drink, I would sometimes stop by a bar on my way home from work or if I was out running my weekend errands. I would always try to get someone on my cell phone or at least order something light to eat, so I wouldn’t just be sitting there staring at my drink get warm. The key is to look busy. If there is a game on, make comments even if you don’t know anything about sports. I’ve notice that avid sports fans will do most of the talking. Just through in a “hell yeah”, or “that’s true” and the random on looker will think that you are engaging in good conversation with someone outside of you brain.

  23. SEan
    December 27, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Glad I checked online “going to bar myself to pick up women”. Me and the ol lady split after 17 yrs – she bacame hooked on pain meds buying online. It ended bad for her – me too but.. whatever. Anyways I have tried the dating sites and found all the women to be manhaters because they have been severly screwed over in previous relationships. – or they r dudes posing as women. So – I went to church to see if any women there. – went all Summer – nothin – only reason they would get on their knees is to pray. ha. – I have quit drinking, drugs and smoking – so jeez – I’m no beginner to bars – but it was always w someone – so at least I know not to scope, stare at my drink and look insane. So – I’m goin out New Years Eve – thing I have goin for me is dudes fear me but women love me. I really dont wanna drink though – so I’m still working on my party plan.

  24. Creepless in seattle
    December 28, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Nothing wrong with having a beer in a bar by yourself man. Its not creepy if you dont give a shit and have an ounce of self confidence.

    So are u suggesting we travel the world in the comfort of the bubble of best friends around us at all moments outside.

    seems like a guy with balls wouldnt give a shit eh.

  25. inferno
    December 28, 2012 at 3:57 am

    Nothing wrong with having a beer in a bar by yourself man. Its not creepy if you dont give a shit and have an ounce of self confidence.

    So are u suggesting we travel the world in the comfort of the bubble of best friends around us at all moments outside.

    seems like a guy with balls wouldnt give a shit eh.

  26. > than u
    December 28, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Speak for yourself, beta. I can go to a bar by myself and strike up conversations with random people without self deprecating. I am by myself because it is difficult to find people as emotionally mature as I am. I have plenty of acquaintances but prefer to fly solo to meet the right people.

  27. Al
    January 21, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    I prefer going by myself since I don’t need to worry about propping up some one else. Go to the gym, dress well, and have some conversation ready and the women won’t care if you are alone or not. Unless you are some insecure frat boy whose fear of rejection requires him to have his “bros”, (and Jaeger-shots), there to back him up, then going solo is the only way to go. Too many punks out there have no game so they need the support of a group. Only weaklings need a wing man.

  28. Emily
    February 12, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    This piece makes too many assumptions.

    A creep isn’t a creep because they’re alone. They’re creeps because they missed/screwed up social cues during the first thirty seconds of an encounter. I don’t know what creeps can do about this. Everyone misses a social cue at some point in their lives, but creeps will persist through multiple cues until you’re forced stop trying to politely use social cues and outright call them a creep to their face. Worse still, is if they’re creepy with a wingman, because now you’re outnumbered dealing with creepy guy. !@#$%&*^!!!!!!!!

    Pomp: honestly? A girl can’t go to the bar because she wants a beer? Try living with a recovering alcoholic and just wanting a couple of beers in peace and quiet at the end of the day.

    Sometimes, I like to go to bars for a beer and a couple of rounds of pool. My friends don’t play pool. I’m there by myself, but I’m not there to get laid. I have a healthy respect for “charming” psycho’s like Ted Bundy and Paul Bernardo. I’m not going anywhere with a stranger.

  29. talkin' to maself...
    February 20, 2013 at 9:03 am

    I’m female and go to bars alone. Does the fact I have friends only I can see make me a creep eh? That is all…

  30. John
    March 17, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    I don’t really understand how going to the bar alone makes you a creep, The only thing I would find creepy about it is the fact that you obviously think there is something wrong with it and will go to such lengths as to lie about why your there alone. Just admit it.

    when someone walks up to you and bluntly asks you why your there alone just admit that you don’t have any friends and act like your comfortable with that.

    Your only a creep, if you feel like a creep

  31. terry
    June 28, 2013 at 9:05 pm

    why not do some university or work related work at a not overly crowded bar actually i believe stocktrading or other compter based things are good u dont look creepy can perve and maybe talk about these things with, going to a local ie local bar that is close to u is very easy in australia the local is like the local park.

  32. randomcreep
    August 6, 2013 at 9:36 am

    last time i went to a bar was a few months ago. it might have been the last time i go for a while. i hadn’t been out in a while so i decided to go out and do things that i thought “normal” people might do. I came to the bar at around 9:30pm which i figured was a good time to go before it got crowded. It certainly wasn’t crowded for what i expected from a saturday night. I made my way to the bar and sat down at which point the female bartender began to come nearer and as i remember it wipe things with a rag as a random femonoid detached from her chat pack to obviously conversate the bartender about how she had been at home taking care of her child within earshot of me seemingly to indirectly inform me that she had children i would have to take care of if i might be interested in her. i calmly waited for her to finish and go back to gossipping about everybody elses business with her fellow compatriots so i could get a alcoholic beverage. from that point i noticed that most every guy in the place had wisely brought along his smart phone to stare into ad nauseum and all the women gathered close to eachother and blathered on oblivious with their backs to the men. I responded in turn by staring incessantly as if interested into the screen of a television that was broadcasting a sports game i cared nothing about. another human male sat at the bar and ordered a drink and informed the bartender that he was there waiting for a friend he then quickly struck up a conversation with a female out of the fray informing her he was there waiting for a friend. she pretended to believe. they disappeared and i was left sitting staring at the screen for another seemingly fifteen minutes til they started the music. a playlist of top 40 mashups. aside of me quickly i remember a young couple getting drinks. her back was to me and he faced her. while i pretended to be entranced in sports rapture he looked over her shoulder at me hoping to gain acknowledgement then passionately kissed his girlfriend and looked over her shoulder again seeking acknowledgement of the fact he had a female he has gained acceptance as a romantic conquest through my periphery in the same moment i see one of the bouncers that had been so hypnotized by his phone looking at me smirking at the fact he was most probably cognizant of the fact i’m conciously attempting to ignore the conspicuous show of romantic braggadocia by pretending to be in rapture still by the magnificence of sports. the couple flees to the dance floor to celebrate coupledom while the idevice addicted bouncer decides to come over and play with the remote to act as if interested in changing the channel away from the sports game i was only acting to be interested in just for his own shits and giggles. after entertaining the idea he goes back to his device. the night was nicely capped off with a random chick seemingly hanging over my shoulder idly either wondering if i might be interested in attempting to spark a conversation or perhaps trying to pick my pocket. i did feel a little flustered so i put my coat on and quickly finished my beer and took a piss before leaving. It had only been one beer but i’m not a drinker anymore at all so i felt tipsy just walking to the bathroom. i felt like all bouncer eyes were on me as i made my way to the restroom and threw away my plastic cup in the trash. i made it out unscathed and now i feel better for having to have gotten to tell my story but now i know for next time if your going to be a man alone you had better have your smartphone with you to stare into. randomcreep

  33. Nigelle
    August 11, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    Hahaha, this article and the comments are great! It sheds a lot of light on the behavior of some guys when I’m at a bar alone… which I totally do sometimes, for various reasons, but usually just to get out of the house for a while and socialize. I’ve never gone to a bar to get laid, I have no idea how that works but I guess people do it. I think different bars have different cultures and expectations, so that’s probably part of it; I don’t go to meat markets because that isn’t my MO. I do have a creepy-guy story though; the other day I went to my neighborhood gay bar, and there was a creeper there who totally wouldn’t stop staring at me. It made me afraid to leave by myself because I worried that he might follow me. Maybe he assumed I was at the bar alone because I wanted to get laid, although if that was the case he might have taken into consideration that he was in a gay bar.

  34. Patrick
    June 16, 2014 at 4:49 am

    Does it really matter. Guys who go to bars alone don’t strike me as the type that are interested. I suppose it merely raises the question, what’s wrong with being a creep? I don’t even think it means anything; it’s just a buzz-word.

  35. July 24, 2014 at 3:37 am

    The author sounds very insecure. There’s nothing wrong with being alone at a bar much like you’d do at a coffee shop or library. Artists and thinkers have been doing it forever. I do recommend bringing something to read or some work with you. As a writer, I do it all the time and I could care less what others think of me. Then again, I’m mature and I could see someone in their late teens or early twenties being less comfortable.

  36. Louis
    August 18, 2014 at 9:38 pm

    I don’t mind going to a bar alone. Being 24 and staying home all day after work is boring. Sure you can play video games or browse online, but it is more healthy to be around people. Most people are social beings whether they realize it or not.

  37. Pip
    September 21, 2014 at 3:46 am

    I am a total creep, and I must say, this is all wrong. First of all, there is no such thing as a female creep. Only men are creeps. Women can be hags but that’s about as bad as it gets for them. Next, being alone does not make a man creepy, even at a bar. What makes someone a creep is the combination of their appearance and behavior. As far as I know, there a no handsome creeps, not even Thom Yorke. In order to be creepy, a man’s appearance must be displeasing in some way. There are several different kind of creeps. One kind is the guy that always goes for women that are obviously out of his league. Guys, when you look at yourself in the mirror, try to be as objective as possible. Also, you should only go for the girls you are genuinely interested in. Talk to someone a bit first before you start flirting as hitting on girls you don’t relate to at all just for the chance of sex makes you a creep. However, if the woman is the one engaging the flirtiness (a rare case but it has actually happened to me), the man is safe from creepiness even if he thinks she is a total bimbo and flirts back with her anyway. The worst kind of creep though; is the guy who has nothing to offer, but acts like he does to try and get some. The amount of books a man reads is indirectly proportional to how creepy he is. Of course these are just my personal definitions of creepitude (and I have more where those came from), but I have put a lot of thought into this, being the creep I am.

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