Bullshit Job Interview Questions and Answers

Going on a job interview is never a fun experience.  It can be nerve-wracking, stressful and full of pressure.  Most people are forced to resort to lying during interviews because telling the truth would reveal quite a few flaws.  On the other side, the interviewer usually ask a number of bogus questions that are either totally irrelevant or require a response that will be a complete lie.

In this post, I will be listing a number of bullshit questions and answers. You’ll hear why it’s a stupid question, the bullshit response most people probably give, as well as the response most people are thinking but don’t actually say.

1. What is Your Greatest Weakness?
This is the king of bullshit questions at a job interview.  In the history of job interviews, not a single person has ever told the truth.  It’s a totally pointless question to ask because no one would ever give a straight answer. No one is going to be honest about their flaws on a job interview because that would severely hurt their chances of getting the job.  You’re always told to say some crap you can turn into a strength such as…

What You Probably Said: I often push myself too hard.  I don’t know how to balance my life because I’m a workaholic.  I’m a perfectionist who has trouble accepting failure.

What You Were Really Thinking: Well let’s see. I’m really lazy.  I usually stroll in to work at least 15 minutes late. I take long lunches and talk bad about my co-workers behind their backs. I am not willing to go the extra mile and I’ll spend most of my day going on Facebook and making personal phone calls. 

2. Why Do You Want to Work Here? The interviewer wants to know if you’re passionate about the job you’re applying for or if you just want a job.  More often than not, it’s the latter.

What you probably said: I’m looking for a new challenge in my life.  This company has a strong reputation and I feel I would be a good fit here for many years to come.

What you were really thinking: Why the fuck you think I want this job? I’m broke and I need money.  My last job sucked more than this one, so I quit on an impulse before I realized the repercussions of being unemployed.  I want this job because you have an opening and I need a job.  If I don’t get a job soon, my unemployment is going to run out and I will have to move back in with my parents.

You really think my passion in life to sit in some cubicle all day and push papers? You think I grew up dreaming of working here when I was a little boy? Nope. Truth is I fucked up my life and now I have to settle for working a meaningless, unfulfilling job that can provide me with the middle-class boring-ass lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to.

3. There’s a gap in your resume. It’s been some time since your last job.  What have you been doing since then? The employer wants to know if you’ve been keeping busy since your last job.  Makes sense—but if you haven’t been doing anything, you’ll have to make something up, such as…

What you probably said: I’ve been exploring my options and have been trying to find myself. I spent some time traveling overseas and visiting some relatives.  It was a great experience for me but now I’m ready to get back to work.

What you were thinking: I’ve been milking those unemployment checks for as long as possible. I usually slept till 11 most days and woke up to watch the Price is Right. The rest of my day was typically spent masturbating and playing Halo 3 in my underwear. The only time I put on pants was to answer the door when my Domino’s Pizza arrived.

4. Where do you see yourself five years from now? The employer likely wants to see if you have long-term goals.  Ideally if you’re goal-oriented you’ll make a better employee.  This question is bullshit because everyone says they will have the perfect life five years from now.

What you probably said: I see myself working in upper management and helping this company continue to be successful.  In my personal life, I hope to get married and start a family.

What you were thinking: I have no fucking clue what I’ll be doing five years from now. I don’t know what I’ll be doing next week!  God help me if I’m still working at this shitty job five years from now.  If I am then I’ll probably be jumping off the nearest tall building.  That’s probably where I’ll be.

5. Tell me about your proudest achievement: The employer wants to have an idea of what you achieved in your professional life.  Not really a bullshit question, but there is plenty of bullshit in the answer.

What you probably said: At my previous job, I was able to meet my quota of 100 widgets sold for 12 months in a row.  In two of those months I outsold some of the senior employees in our company.

What you were thinking: Probably when I was 17 and got a sweet blow job from one of the hottest girls in my high school…or maybe that time in college when I won ten straight games of beer pong. Man I was ON FIRE that night… Actually no… it’s neither of those.  My proudest achievement was definitely when I was 8 years old and finally beat Mike Tyson in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.   It took me like a hundred tries but I finally did it.  I was so proud of myself that day.

6. Are you willing to work overtime, nights and weekends if need be? This job may require some overtime and the interviewer wants to know if you are prepared to do so.

What you probably said: Absolutely.  I want to do whatever it takes to be successful in this position.  If that means working overtime or coming in on Saturday from time-to-time than so be it.

What you were thinking: NO FUCKING WAY am I willing to work nights and weekends.

7. Do you have any questions for me? Supposedly you should always have some questions prepared. That it way it makes you look like you are genuinely interested in the job.

What you probably said: Yes I do. Based on the interview today, are there any concerns you have in regards to my ability to perform this job?

What you were thinking: How much does it pay? How many vacation days will I get? Will I get dental? Were you serious about working nights and weekends?  Does your hot secretary have a boyfriend?

8. Why did you leave your last job?  The interviewer just wants to make sure you didn’t leave your previous job on a bad note.

What you probably said: Well…I just felt it was time for a change. I had been there for a few years and I was ready for a new challenge.  There was little room for growth in the company and I want to move up in my field.

What you were thinking: My boss was a complete fucking asshole. I couldn’t stand that son-of-a-bitch.  He made me work long hours for shitty pay and didn’t treat me with respect. All my co-workers were total LOSERS and I couldn’t stand to stay there another second.  One day, I just lost it and told my boss to fuck off, stole all the office supplies I could carry, walked out the door and went straight to the bar to get loaded.

I hope this has helped to shed light on some of the difficult questions you may face when going on your next job interview.  As long as you feed the interviewer bullshit, you should have a good chance of getting the job.

53 comments for “Bullshit Job Interview Questions and Answers

  1. ThatAintKosher
    April 27, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Interesting- I always say what I’m thinking. Maybe that’s why I blew my last interview.

    I should rethink my tactics.
    .-= ThatAintKosher´s last blog ..The Dumbest Sports Moments Of My Lifetime =-.

  2. Mike
    April 27, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    Hilarious. Holy shit you hit how I would spend my day off if I got any time off. Waking up at 11 to watch Price is Right. The last time I took off, that was exactly what I did.

  3. Tom
    April 28, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    Funny stuff. I’ve been on the unemployment line for a month, and I would love to know the real answers to questions I ask:
    1. Can you tell me why I wasn’t considered?
    B.S. answer: We have found someone with the type of background would be better.
    Real answers:
    From a guy: WelI, you’re a man and I’ve been jerking off in bed for the last week fantasizing about the hottie I will get to hire.
    From a girl: Well, you’re male & smarter than me, which means you’ll have my job in no time.

    BS answer: You’re overqualified. Real answer: You’re too old.

    BS answer: Your salary requirements are a little out of our range. Real answer: We’re planning on hiring some asshole with no experience for $30,000 a year, and spending $125,000 over the next two years to train him/her. Hopefully, they’ll catch on, but we have to cross our fingers and hope they stay with us .

  4. April 28, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    This post is funny, but so true. You’ve got to try and sell yourself during one of these interviews, so people are forced to bullsh*t.

  5. April 29, 2010 at 2:28 am

    god this is scary how true it is.

    My personal fav answer for no.1 is:

    “Some people think I’m a perfectionist, but I just like to do the best I can. I also realise that you need to juggle timelines so finding the balance between delivering the best product in the right time is what I strive for.”

    This of course is pure wank….I couldn’t give a toss if it was good and I’ll never hand it in too early if it raises expectations.
    .-= thelamest(dot)com´s last blog ..The Lamest’s Top 5 Articles of the Past 6 Months =-.

  6. Mr. Cleavage
    April 29, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    I actually do the hiring at my company, and this post is awesome. On the outside, I’m asking crap like “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” but on the inside, I’m thinking about unbuttoning her blouse with my teeth, or wondering whether Justin Verlander will ever get another win, or cringing at the lame-assed team name my golf partner came up with for us this year…
    Point being, interviews are lame for the interviewer as well…they remind me of Bull Durham when Crash Davis tells Nuke LaLoosh he needs to work on his cliche’s. Everyone expects certain questions and certain answers…just play the game: actually look like you showered that morning, show up 15 minutes early, say please and thank you, follow up with a nice email or card, and most of all have your shit together. Nothing I hate worse than someone who doesn’t even know their own resume…I mean, we both know you BS’d a bit about that huge project, but please remember your lies!!!

  7. April 30, 2010 at 10:37 am

    hahaha. Awesome analogy Mr. Cleavage

  8. me
    April 30, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    ahahahah BEYOND amazing. i love this.

  9. Franck from France
    May 4, 2010 at 12:32 am

    John, here another question for you. An interviewer ask me that one once… I get the job, probably because I fucked up the answer a little less than the others…

    Q : “I’ve interviewed a lot of guys before you. Why would I pick you for this job against the others guys that I’ve interviewed ?” (Sorry if it is not in a good english, I’m french and I’m doing my best to write it in a good english)
    This question has one goal : to destabilize people and so the interviewer see if you can pass through it and if you can say something smart without thinking of it.

    Answer : I said that “I think they are not as qualified as I am… In fact I don’t kwon. But I hope they aren’t… And I have a strong motivation…”
    And that was what I was really thinking…

    Thank you for this article, John, I have an interview for a job tomorrow, I’m going to work on your article today.

    • August 18, 2014 at 9:09 pm

      Well I thinked about it a little, and this is what I’d (wishfully) answer:
      hmm… (thinking pause).
      Well I don’t know how you think so I don’t know why you would pick me or someone else. Maybe you would pick someone on the looks, maybe on the impression, or maybe you’re a good guy and pick people on a rational evaluation of their skills and how fitted they are for the job. I could just look at you and do un-based, assumptions about how you think. Do you really want me to do that?

  10. Jack
    May 4, 2010 at 9:27 am

    Yeah that was funny, but i think that’s what most people think about, i don’t know.

  11. Tina
    May 21, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I love this. My favorite thing about interviews is when the questions are read directly off a sheet of paper and the answer to the question is obvious by looking at my resume. My gut reaction is, “Seriously? You’re asking this? Did you even look at my resume or cover letter?” Though I guess that’s a good method for discovering whether or not someone has not memorized a fake resume.

  12. May 21, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Thanks Tina. I’m actually sitting on a search committee at work right now for the first time. Apparently to ensure that we gave everyone a fair shot, we have to ask the same questions to each person.

    That’s probably why people just read off a piece of paper sometimes.

  13. Melanie
    May 22, 2010 at 6:52 pm

    So funny! I just blew a job interview yesterday because they asked me some of these dumb shit questions! Why did I want to work there? Because full time for them is 37.5 hours a week, you work 7:30 am-4:00 pm, and with my experience, they’d be paying me over $36,000 a year to supplement my measly $12,000 a year retirement check that I had to pay over $43,000 to start drawing because I had to secure my retirement benefits and then run for my life from my last job because I pissed the bosses off by filing a grievance against them for bullying me! Why the fuck do you think I want to work there?! I think I’ll send this to my husband because when he interviews people for jobs, he asks these dumb shit questions too and I have asked him before, “Why in the HELL do you bother wasting your time and theirs by asking such stupid questions?!”

  14. June 29, 2010 at 2:30 am

    hahaaaa…. so funny! but it’s helpful, with “what you probably say”…

  15. Nic
    July 30, 2010 at 5:37 am

    I’m lucky, the worst I’ve ever had is the “Where do you see yourself” one. But during her graduate jobs hunt, my sister got asked “What character from Friends would you be”.

    She’d never seen it, couldn’t name a single one of the characters and could barely tell you the premise of the series. She told the interview as much, then asked for the relevancy.

    She didn’t get it. Didn’t want it either, after that question.

  16. Mr. Cleavage
    July 30, 2010 at 11:39 pm

    I had an interview today, and during our chat the candidate actually picked a booger, rolled it around his fingers for a bit, and popped it into his mouth…Totally unconscious of what he was doing.

    F*cking Engineers will eat anything as long as it’s free…

  17. Joe
    December 31, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    HILARIOUS!! I am employed, but searching (took major pay cut a few yrs back) and have heard (and thought) all of this.

    Here’s another:

    “Why are you considering leaving your current job?”

    What I say: “I am looking for something more challenging that more effectively utilizes my previous experience, as well as the experience I’ve gained in my current position. I think the XXXXXXX (insert job you are interviewing for) position is a perfect solution, and I am confident that I can blah blah blah blah.”

    What I really mean: “I took a fucking 80% pay cut when I got this shitty fucking job that I had to take due to the real estate crash, and if I spend one more day working with these assholes I’m probably going to bring in an AK-47 and shoot all of them. I need more fucking money and this job pays more and sucks just a little bit less than my current one.”

  18. Ann
    February 26, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    I just had a job interview and I was asked some questions that I felt were just totally unfair for them to ask me. I was being interviewed for a school secretary position and one of the questions they asked me was, “If a student comes to you wanting a letter of recommendation for a college or scholarship and you know nothing about them, how do you go about writing them the letter?” I thought, “You’re kidding me, right? That’s not something that I would already know how to do. That is something that I’m sure you have a procedure in place on how to do and I would be taught that if I got the job.” All I could think of to say was that I guessed I would just have to find out all I could about the student. When I talked with the secretary who holds the position and is retiring, I asked her that question because I just really was curious as to why they would even ask me something like that. And she told me that she has the student come in, gives them a form on which they list all their activities and clubs they participate in and she uses the info that the student supplies her with. And this was just one of the totally idiotic questions that they asked me that I wouldn’t possibly know unless I worked there! I mean, geez! And the pay scale for the job was just really a joke considering the types of questions they were asking me. It was like I was being interviewed for a job in upper management instead of a job making $18,000 a year (and that salary is for a job that is year-round, no summers off). Another question was how would I go about writing a memo to the entire staff of the school. Again, you’re kidding me, right? Isn’t that something I would learn how to do if I got the job? I was so upset with these people for their utter stupidity in the questions they chose that I just came home, crawled underneath my bedcovers, and cried myself to sleep. And to think that my child is going to be going to this school in a few years!

  19. Ann
    March 3, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    Oh, this is one question that needs to be added to this page. If a group of coworkers converged outside your office door and began to gossip about another coworker, what would you do? I was asked this in a job interview last week. I had to pick my chin up off the floor before coming up with an answer to that one. Evidently, I didn’t give the right answer because I didn’t get the job. My answer was that I would tell them to please move their conversation elsewhere because I was trying to work and they were distracting me. I would hope that that would be enough to break up their little pow-wow (although I know I said something more professional than “pow-wow”).

  20. March 4, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Ann, that’s definitely one I’ve never heard before. I’m not sure what I would say in that situation either.

  21. foreheadSpot
    August 29, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Interviews have to be one of the most disingenuous events ever! They ask you a bullshit question expecting you to regurgitate a bullshit response. Perish the thought that if you actually give them a non scripted answer the interviewers eye brows will flick all over the place and they’ll alter their seated position in shock horror. I just go into the interview and stare at their forehead (that spot between their eyes) just to make it look like I am listening and I paste a smile for 30 minutes nodding my head like a racehorse in a stall whose mouth strap (bridle?) is too tight. Uh I hate interviews. So fake and staged and devoid of life’s realities. The art of bullshit. I even spray my forehead with anti perspirant to stave off the interview ‘ya I’m bullshitting’ sweats and please don’t ask me the same question twice as I can’t recall interview lies! Interview coming up this week for a shit job I don’t want. Things I do to pay the bills eh! Good luck everyone with your own interviews. I feel ur pain!

    • BH
      May 31, 2013 at 1:11 am

      I agree with you! Not every job experience every human being has had is the same. Some people have a lot of human contact and some very little. If you say you don’t have a lot of customer service per se, but you treated all your co-workers nicely and were pleasant for the most part, they don’t accept that! If you work with a difficult person, you have to say that you went in for the happy medium of leaving them alone or helping them! On a gross topic: it is like assuming that every woman who has periods will have a baby and thinking every pregnant woman will have a baby even though some miscarry.

  22. John
    September 20, 2011 at 10:39 am

    Argh, dreading this. I just cannot bullshit, the words stick in my throat and I feel like I’m trying to convince the train conductor I HAD a ticket, it was right in my top pocket, it must have dropped out when I was running for the train, and you both know what utter crap it is and you’re hoping he’s in a good enough mood to pretend to believe it.

    Desperately trying to wangle this into something along the lines of “I know this is where you’re supposed to say you’re a workaholic perfectionist, but I just can’t bring myself to say that kind of thing, which I suppose is a bit of a weakness in itself. It’s been a problem in previous jobs, for example I just wasn’t cut out for door to door sales because it felt so dishonest…”

  23. March 14, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Hmmmm….really interesting and also enjoyable! :) It’s also informative for those who are very keen for getting a job. So I think it’s help him/her very much. Thanks Johnny for this great and important interview.

  24. Unemployed Hack
    March 19, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Well, let’s see….. why don’t they ask questions related to the actual job at hand…

    Like, if you’re applying for a management position, ask how you would handle a scheduling conflict when you have 35 employees, and need 10 to work a holiday shift, only have 3 volunteers, 32 have actually requested time off, and half of those have threatened to quit if you make them work the holiday, and there are another 15 employees who have a second job that only allows them to work evenings, and 2 employees who have already called in sick for that day.

    The thing about “personality” questions is they lead to those bullshit answers. Honestly, you should be able to tell something about someone’s personality just by talking to them about anything. Asking bullshit questions that have “expected answers” just encourages them to lie to you, and punishes those who may not be 100% perfect and tell you the truth about it… When the person who tells the truth is probably the candidate you want anyway.

  25. April 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    These are hilarious! I hope I dont remember them in my next interview and burst out laughing!

  26. -___-
    April 26, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    None of this was funny because it was just common sense (and, unfortunately, all to real) for me.

  27. June 28, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Great stuff dude, had me laughing the whole way through!

  28. July 28, 2012 at 10:27 am

    f#*@ amazing mate.

  29. Sick of interview shit
    January 25, 2013 at 3:32 am

    One thing I can’t fucking stand is when they start the interview off with, “So, tell me a little bit about yourself”. What kind of vague ass question is that??? Tell me what the fuck you want to know that isn’t on the damn resume. It’s like did you not read the resume? Don’t have me repeat shit that you should have already read because you’re wasting my time and yours. These idiots need to get more specific.

  30. Lady
    March 25, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    Many of these questions are actually not bullshit. When I interview I want to make sure that I hire someone with a great wit and quick smarts who can think quickly and handle unconventional situations. I don’t understand why people shy away from unconventional questions — unless it’s something illegal or offensive, people should be happy they are given the opportunity to shine with their original answer. If they don’t have an original answer, it means they are not smart enough.

    Similarly, I want to make sure that the person has researched and knows in detail the company, and that they can show me exactly what they can bring to the table. 90% of people are slackers or unprofessional — I only want the good 10% and these questions help weed the 90% unimpressive candidates.

    • Jeff
      April 12, 2013 at 7:58 am

      Part of the problem nowadays is that these questions are being asked for ANY job. Even the most menial jobs. Grocery store cashiers. Janitors. You’re hiring for minimum wage (or close enough to it) jobs and you still have extreme levels of bullshit.
      Who the hell cares if the guy flipping burgers has a quick wit? I just need a damn job.

      • Dennis
        April 29, 2013 at 5:08 pm

        Exactly. Let’s cut the bullshit. Nobody applies to flip burgers or sweep floors because they want to, they do it because living a functional adult life requires money. Ask `em if they know how to flip hamburgers or sweep floors, if yes hire `em if they can’t tell `em to go play in traffic.

    • Paulo
      July 23, 2013 at 1:03 pm

      I’m sorry to disagree. To my experience these busllshit questions just hinder all the quick wit and quick smart some people could possible have, because they cannot give you an spontanious answer. What is the point of a question that cannot bring any added value to the discussion in any way?
      “Tell me about your weaknesses”. Noone will tell the truth, you even cannot respond with humor, because it sounds rude and therefore is just plain stupid. Personally I don’t think quick wit and quick smart can be tested with standard questions.

    • CP
      October 24, 2013 at 6:14 am

      “When I interview I want to make sure that I hire someone with a great wit and quick smarts who can think quickly and handle unconventional situations.”

      Oooooooo, is THAT all.

      Now I’m curious. What are the ninety percent of us supposed to do who aren’t blessed with an Aaron Sorkin/Joss Whedon inner voice to brighten your day with our clever little witticisms?

      What are supposed to do if we were never taught to be performing monkeys for the delight and entertainment of our employers or their deadbeat HR departments, and simply want to show up, do our job conscientiously, and put in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay? Is that still allowed?

      What if – bear with me here as I wander into the realm of fantasy – what if people’s ability to impress you with their repartee tells you exactly jack shit about how they’ll react when the computer breaks down, when the deadlines are changed at the last minute, when their colleagues call in sick and they’re suddenly doing the work of three people, or whatnot? You actually think their comedic timing’s going to tell you anything about how they’ll handle a real work situation?

      Christ on a pogo stick, you’re not being paid to pick out your date for the evening. You’re interviewing for jobs. Now, if these people you deal with are being interviewed to be politicians or late-night comedians, THEN, knock yourself out. But as Jeff points out, these questions have become the norm for every job going all the way down to burger flipping and floor sweeping. So yeah, you’ll forgive us if the 90% of us you think are slackers because we don’t make you feel like you’re in an episode of The West Wing would like some assurance that we’ll still be able to put food on the table.

    • john
      June 7, 2014 at 1:05 pm

      And that’s why unemployment is so high in the world because of bums[Lady] like you not willing to give anyone a chance… “If they don’t have an original answer, it means they are not smart enough.”`Are you kidding me? They under immense pressure and stress and so they struggle to answer complicated questions and if they can’t do it fast enough or well enough they stupid? Wake up to reality buddy and stop being a stuck-up jerk… Nobody wants a job in a place because they dreamed of it their entire lives… they need money and need job for christ sake

  31. Gordon
    May 16, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    I don’t even bs anymore when doing a interview.It’s a waste of time and it’s humiliating. If it worked it would be one thing but if you are qualified for the job and then an incompetent hiring manager hires an incompetent worker, which is usually what happens, might as well hold your head high and tell what you really think instead of fawning and telling them what you think they want to hear. The interview process is absurd anyway, the questions that are asked are stupid and are in no way an indication of how a worker will actually do a job. Remember, most of the time if you don’t get a job it’s nor your fault, even though people who want to sell books always blame the worker instead of the recruiter and tell him/her he/she should have talked less or talked more or worn brown socks with brown shoes or other such idiocies. It’s the luck of the draw with job interviews as it is with most other things in life and as with most other things in life isn’t fair.

  32. BH
    May 30, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    I think to assume that everyone has to deal with negative people or everyone thinks about what they will be doing in life 5 years from now is silly! Some people work in the background with very little to no human contact and they think of how to feed and dress their families first and foremost over 5 years from now! I think it should be enough to say you respect others and accept them, warts and all and that should be it!

  33. June 11, 2013 at 11:10 am

    This is hilarious because it’s 100% true. Interviews are such bullshit. If you’re honest you won’t ever get the job. And whoever gets the job is likely to be one of the least qualified people. I wanted to work at fuckin trader joes for some extra cash and the lady asked why I wanted to work there. I said because I need a job. Instant disqualification because I didn’t lie and say BECAUSE I LOVE THIS STORE AND ITS PRODUCTS. And the where do you think i’ll be in 5 years question is horseshit. You have to lie like you’ll be working there your whole life…haha

  34. June 20, 2013 at 3:34 am

    This was so true and too funny… I’m going with the telling of the truth from now on… I want to work here because I need a damn job… The other one is regardless whether or not you have experience in a white collar position, they have to train you to their system so what fucking difference does it make if I’ve ever used EXCEL before…

  35. July 1, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    So true, so true. Somehow I landed on your site … glad I did. LMAOOL through every word of Sacks post and 90% of reader/viewer/visitor/wtfe comments! Honorable mention to Mr Cleavage. If the name wasnt funny enough, the visual of him visualizing his teeth making their way down her buttons as he’s conducting an intvw is comedy central!

    I’m unemployed. Many of my friends are as well. We live in So Cal. Unemployment Benefits have long dried up. Standards have gotten lower than they once were. Its to the point that Im getting to the point where I will soon be at the point that I might think about applying at some outfit like Target, Home Depot, dare I say McDonalds?! Eeeegads! Um no its not. I have pride. Um no I dont. I need tampon and makeup money plus $100 for a month of tanning! Its funny how inventive, resourceful you can be when you need to be! Anyway, I will no doubt wind up on one or more interviews for any number of menial jobs. The minute I get a kook interviewer its “honesty is my only policy”. Kooks are kooks … dorks … squares … Mr Cleavage’s booger-twirling Engineering hopeful! They wouldn’t understand the hilarity of Sacks post. Perfect opp to try out the honesty approach. Capture it all on a voice-activated recording app thats on my phone! Give the kook the interview of his life! I’ll shit if I get the job!

  36. August 15, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    They need to get some new questions out there, their all the same we have had some corkers asked to our candidates over the years here a a few not the worst but, they are more of a ‘where are you coming from asking that question’ and ‘how do I answer that’

    – Can you tell a joke?
    – On a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you?
    – What kind of people do you dislike?
    – Which super power do you like to have and why?
    – If you saw someone steal a tin of beans in Tesco, would you report it?

  37. rachel
    September 9, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    haha. you’re hilarious. no, really! are you also hot and single? 😉 eh, but whatever… I bet you’d be super-awesome to hang out with. nice post.

  38. September 25, 2013 at 11:18 pm

    Very funny, unbelievable questions…

  39. Gabe
    October 10, 2013 at 7:13 pm

    I get a kick about all the books and tv shows that explain how to “ace” an interview and not what to do etc etc. The emphasis is ALWAYS on the prospective employee as though the employee is going to be at fault for a lousy interview all the time. Well, I’ve got news for all the book writers and tv interviewers most of the people doing interviews are complete jerks and most of the problems with job interviews isn’t the employee but the employer. Let’s not blame good, decent, competent hard working people being denied a job because they don’t live up to the expectations of some incompetent phoney who probably doesn’t know half as much as the person he is denying a job to.

  40. Mr. Cleavage
    January 10, 2015 at 5:21 am

    Just drunk surfing, and reminiscing about these awesome sites. Glad you’re married with kids now Johnny, but I do miss your website. Maybe after Johnny Junior starts kindergarten…?

    See ya,

    Mr. Cleavage

  41. Matthew 5567
    April 23, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    The whole charade just makes me cringe. Who doesn’t dread interviews though? I love this article. It’s absolutely true and hilarious. In my time I’ve had some seriously annoying and inappropriate questions asked. The classic one is “can you work as a team?” Just who the Hell works alone in this world? Is that even a question to ask? The job advert full of utter bullshit jargon and cheesy buzzwords normally mirrors the style of banal and pointless interview techniques. I’ve been to interviews where they give you 3 tests, make you do presentations, prove yourself on abstract levels and just to think the pay and responsibility is grossly out of touch. Anyone would think I was applying to fly the spaceshuttle while inventing time travel and curing cancer all at the same time. I bet the imbeciles interviewing me couldn’t answer half of the questions they asked me in a convincing nor truthful manner. It’s a totally belittling and patronising process, yet some or most of us have to keep enduring this croc of shit too often in our careers and lives.

  42. Angie
    April 29, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Oh my God, I LOVE THIS!!!! Made me laugh so hard. I’m going on a job interview later today for a job that I have absolutely NO interest in. Gotta try to sound like I really want it. Truth is, I lost my most recent job and I just need another one. I need money. I have no fucking interest in this new company whatsoever. Having to act like I give a shit about it sucks. Where do I see myself in 5 years? “well, as a lottery winner of course, traveling the world to all the places I cannot go because employers don’t pay shit. I’m going to own a contemporary log cabin in Aspen, a luxury apartment on the Upper West Side in NYC, my son will be attending a GREAT college and I’ll be able to pay for all of it, I will have a brand new Mercedes and a truck of ANY kind…..cuz I love trucks, and I’ll be able to donate copious amounts of money to my local animal shelter instead of taking them a couple bags of dog food every month like I do now because that’s all I can afford”.
    I wonder if that answer will suit my interviewer?
    “What is my greatest strength?” …..hmmmm.. I am 5’3, petite female and I can belch louder than most men. Yep.
    God I’m dreading this interview.

  43. Truthful Taco
    January 6, 2016 at 6:15 am

    dude, assuming people typically “quit impulsively” is trash. that shit is usually mulled over major before just being done with the narcissist supervisor and his bff hr ditz. this condescending tripe comes from like every available goddamned internet “resource”.

    we are all SLAVES. in a workforce that ultimately serves the ROYAL ELITE. when one wraps their synapses around that fact, he realizes that his position as employed is 99.99999% luck. and he stops being so ‘splainy.

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