24 Mockery is back after a two-week layoff. I realize not that many people read these but I don’t care. This previous episode of 24 was so ridiculous that I just had to share the discussion I had with DV.
Before we delve into this week’s edition, I thought I’d share a glossary of terms. To clear up any confusion when reading this, consult the glossary of nicknames. Some of these appear in this week’s edition, while others have shown up in previous versions.
Fake Leonardo DiCaprio: Kevin, the ex-boyfriend of Dana Walsh who now lies in the bottom of the river. He has this nickname because he looks like a poor man’s Leonardo DiCaprio
Slumdog Millionare Guy: President Hassan…Nicknamed because he was in Slumdog Millionaire
Freddy: Agent Ortiz: short for Freddie Prinze Jr.
Milton: Kevin’s parole officer. Named Milton because he’s played by the guy who played Milton in Office Space
Sack-off: Dana Walsh. Named Sack-off because she’s played by Katee Sackoff…and because she sucks balls
Forrest Whittaker Guy: Hastings, the head of CTU because he is black and fat like Forest Whitaker.
John S (1:54:31 PM): I think we need to talk about 24
DV (1:55:31 PM): I’m sorry I just vomited a little bit in my mouth.
DV (1:55:38 PM): I’m ok now.
John S (1:55:46 PM): 24 has officially run out of ideas
John S (1:56:17 PM): how many times can they A) have a girl sleep with a terrorist and then find out after they had sex and B) attack CTU
DV (1:56:28 PM): yeah seriously
DV (1:55:57 PM): What was the promo saying?
DV (1:56:17 PM): “The twist that will change everything!”
John S (1:56:39 PM): well I suppose it changed everything but I wouldn’t say it was a twist
John S (1:56:48 PM): because they do it every season
DV (1:56:48 PM): it didn’t change anything
DV (1:56:59 PM): what season is this?
John S (1:57:04 PM): 8 I think
DV (1:57:17 PM): this is the 10th time CTU has been compromised.
DV (1:57:23 PM): and the show has only 8 seasons
John S (1:57:50 PM): see they didn’t do it last season, so they figured it was time to do it again
DV (2:00:03 PM): seriously?
DV (2:00:05 PM): I’m sure they did
DV (2:00:08 PM): what happened last season?
John S (2:00:14 PM): well last season there was no CTU
DV (2:00:23 PM): ahhh
DV (2:00:26 PM): that’s right
DV (2:00:30 PM): they had a mole in the FBI instead
John S (2:00:44 PM): yup
John S (2:00:48 PM): there’s always friggin mole
DV (2:01:16 PM): It’s always obvious who it is too.
John S (2:01:22 PM): that’s true
John S (2:01:25 PM): except in season 1
DV (2:01:32 PM): yeah Nina was the only good mole
John S (2:01:32 PM): Nina was unexpected
DV (2:02:09 PM): I hate to skip to the end of last night’s episode… but did you see the promo for next week?
John S (2:02:21 PM): yes
DV (2:02:38 PM): “There’s only one weapon left! and it’s JACK BAUER!”
DV (2:02:51 PM): like seriously?
DV (2:02:58 PM): Grandpa coming to save the day.
John S (2:03:18 PM): NYC is in the hands of an 85 year old man with a stab wound
DV (2:03:49 PM): well he used a med kit.
DV (2:03:53 PM): so he’s fine
John S (2:03:57 PM): right… I forgot
DV (2:04:23 PM): but his new side kick Ortiz has a distracting side story.
DV (2:04:29 PM): BTW
DV (2:04:35 PM): Ortiz..
DV (2:04:45 PM): Spanish guy with an Irish NY accent
DV (2:04:54 PM): awesome.
DV (2:05:12 PM): and that side story is retarded
DV (2:05:17 PM): they let that dude in the building
DV (2:05:18 PM): are you kidding me?
John S (2:05:34 PM): at 2 am in the middle of the crisis!
John S (2:05:52 PM): how convenient that he called like 5 minutes after he killed fake Leonardo DiCaprio
John S (2:05:27 PM): I think after this week’s episode, Dana Walsh is officially the worst character in the history of the show
DV (2:05:35 PM): Yes.
DV (2:06:14 PM): I will disregard the stupidity for one thing…
DV (2:06:16 PM): and one thing only…
DV (2:06:34 PM): if after this EMP thing… the parole officer dude gets up and says…
DV (2:06:39 PM): “Have you seen my stapler?”
DV (2:06:46 PM): that’s it.
DV (2:06:48 PM): nothing else.
DV (2:07:05 PM): In fact…
DV (2:07:35 PM): please title this peace… “Have you seen my stapler?” and have a picture of that dude.
John S (2:23:05 PM): haha. That’s who that was!
John S (2:23:10 PM): I couldn’t put my finger on it
DV (2:34:21 PM): ah yes Milton. I forgot his name.
DV (2:37:17 PM): also, side note… 24 has made all cops look like assholes
DV (2:37:31 PM): Bad move…
John S (2:37:33 PM): right
John S (2:37:36 PM): the NYPD looked inept
DV (2:37:40 PM): that was probably the last demographic they didn’t lose
DV (2:37:45 PM): they are gone now.
DV (2:37:51 PM): Cops notice that stuff
John S (2:39:58 PM): yeah. I loved how all the idiot cops enter the hallway and go in the same direction
John S (2:40:04 PM): and of course he was right behind them
DV (2:40:25 PM): yeah complete stupidity. Also…
DV (2:40:36 PM): they were all wearing the heavy kevlar
DV (2:40:41 PM): they should have been able to fire shots back
John S (2:41:18 PM): that’s true
DV (2:41:22 PM): also, for situations like that they would have had riot ammo
DV (2:41:25 PM): rubber bullets
John S (2:41:38 PM): right because they wanted to take the guy alive
DV (2:41:41 PM): yup
John S (2:46:01 PM): I just realized that Dana Walsh lucked out with this EMP thing
DV (2:46:35 PM): yup
John S (2:46:47 PM): I was hoping she was going to get killed off or arrested
DV (2:47:13 PM): the lie about sleeping with him will probably get back to Ortiz
DV (2:47:50 PM): I’m actually bored of Ortiz now. Just cause of this story. It makes him annoying
John S (2:48:10 PM): yeah. He was kinda bad-ass before this
DV (2:48:47 PM): oh yeah speaking of the EMP
DV (2:48:58 PM): why the hell would they tell her to drive to CTU
DV (2:49:10 PM): that was the dumbest thing I have ever heard
John S (2:50:03 PM): what I’m confused about…is the other scenes, Fake Leo was outside somewhere when he went to visit CTU
John S (2:50:18 PM): Slumdog Millionare’s daughter just drove right up to the entrance
DV (2:50:21 PM): haha
DV (2:50:24 PM): yes it’s true!
John S (2:51:06 PM): I would think if she parked in the same place Fake Leo parked that it wouldn’t have wiped out CTU
DV (2:52:44 PM): You could not be more right
DV (2:53:16 PM): I like the guy who thought he could drive the car out of there
DV (2:53:27 PM): I mean there’s a time with 10 seconds on it going..
DV (2:53:29 PM): seriously..?
John S (2:53:33 PM): hahah that was funny
John S (2:57:23 PM): I wonder if he died from being so close
DV (2:57:41 PM): yeah he’s probably dead cause it f’d up the car
John S (2:57:58 PM): probably
DV (2:58:11 PM): oh yeah also..
DV (2:58:15 PM): they have friggin EMP’S
DV (2:58:22 PM): they do not need nuclear rods!
John S (2:58:39 PM): haha well nuclear rods would do more damage
DV (2:58:56 PM): yeah but to go though all this trouble if your just trying to do damage..
DV (2:58:59 PM): the EMPs will make a point
John S (3:00:36 PM): good point
John S (3:00:41 PM): they could have planted that in the middle of Times Square
DV (3:00:56 PM): yup
DV (3:01:13 PM): this is why the terrorists never win
DV (3:06:19 PM): the show is so bad… I’m really interested in seeing the next episode
DV (3:06:39 PM): I have to stop.
DV (3:06:54 PM): it’s like being a Cubs fan or something.
John S (3:07:07 PM): yeah. It’s a train wreck
John S (3:07:12 PM): It’s terrible but you can’t look away
John S (3:07:39 PM): Let me sum up every season of 24 since like season 2 in a few short sentences…
DV (3:07:53 PM): please do.
John S (3:09:15 PM): There’s a nuclear terrorist threat. A mole inside a government agency causes the threat to become real. Jack kills mole but not before he extracts the name of who he is working for…At exactly the 12 hour mark of the show, he kills the boss, only to find out he was part of a bigger operation. Somewhere along the line CTU gets attacked. Lots of agents die. In the end, Jack saves the day but loses his love interest. REPEAT.
DV (3:13:17 PM): Wow…
DV (3:13:20 PM): that was pretty good.
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