Articles from November 2010

Do you love twinkies but avoid the tasty treat because you’re trying to eat healthy? Well you might be in luck.

Mark Haub, a human nutrition professor at Kansas State University, recently tried a fun experiment. For 10 weeks, he ate a twinkie every three hours and somehow managed to shed 27 pounds.

How is this possible? Well, he limited himself to 1,800 calories per day, which is much smaller than a typical 2,500 calorie diet for a man of his size.

His premise: that when it comes to weight loss, calorie intake is the most important factor.

Amazingly, Haub’s bad cholesterol, also known as LDL, dropped 20 percent, while his good cholesterol (HDL) increased by 20 percent.

That’s pretty amazing stuff. Although, even though he lost weight and his cholesterol went down, its hard to imagine that this could actually be perceived as healthy. If you’re interested, you can check out the complete article here. He also documented his progress on his Facebook page.

Picture this situation: It’s around 2:00 p.m. on work day.  That McDonald’s you had on your lunch break is looking like a bad idea.  That two cheeseburger value meal you ordered is running through you faster than Usain Bolt in the 100-meter dash.   You got to drop a deuce and it’s still three hours till quittin’ time.

There’s no way you’re going to make it.  You’re going to have to bite the bullet and take a shit at work.

Like most people, you hate taking a dump at work. You prefer the comfort and privacy of your home base but you’re left with no choice but to use the work bathroom.

As you hurriedly walk to the restroom, you hope that no one else will be in there and you can freely rip ass without repercussions.  But it’s not the case.  ALAS…you walk in and discover that someone is taking care of business in the other stall.

Now you’re forced to sit a foot away from someone as you unleash hell from your asshole.   This will not be pleasant for either of you.

We’ve all been in this situation at some point in your lives.  When this situation presents itself, there are two types of personalities that emerge.   There is the Shy Pooper and the Indifferent Pooper. (more…)

This past Monday, Michael Vick turned in an unbelievable performance for the Philadelphia Eagles, throwing for 333 yards and 4 touchdowns, while also rushing for 80 yards and 2 TD’s.   The Redskins had no answer for him.

Vick played so well that it reminded me of his video game counterpart in the 2004 version of Madden. Anyone who grew up playing Madden knows the version I’m talking about.  Vick fittingly graced the cover of that year’s edition and he was pretty much unstoppable.

This got me thinking: Who is the greatest football video game athlete of all-time?

When having this debate, there are really only two people who can be in the discussion:  Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson and the Madden 2004 version of Michael Vick.

I will objectively break down each player in the latest edition of “The Great Debate.” After reading my arguments for both, feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section. (more…)

After a long lay-off, it time to bring back one of the most popular features on Living with Balls: Random Guys I Want to Punch in the Face. I took some time away from this feature because I had run out of guys that I wanted to punch out. Yet in recent weeks, a new batch of idiots has crossed my path, thus inspiring me to revive the dormant feature.

Here’s a new list of people I’d like to punch in the face!

The Bathroom Attendant Guy
Ever go to a fancy restaurant or a wedding and there is some dude just hanging out in the bathroom, handing out paper towels and watching people piss? I hate this friggin’ guy. All he does is stand by the sink in a fancy suit, hand people paper towels and look for tips.

So because you handed me a paper towel, now I have to tip you? FUCK. THAT. A nutless monkey could do your job. I’ll pocket my dollar and get the paper towel myself. I’d like to punch this guy right in the mouth, so that his lip is bleeding, then hand him a paper towel to clean himself off, while holding out my other hand for a tip because I gave him the towel. (more…)

It’s time for another edition of Unintentionally Funny Local Commercial—the original LWB feature where I find commercials that are so bad, they are actually funny.

The Red House is located in North Carolina, which becomes glaringly obvious within the first five seconds of watching this commercial. In an area where racial tensions are high, Red House tries to curb racism while also bringing budget furniture into your home.

Take a look…

WOW…There’s just so much to talk about that I think we need to really dive right in and break this commercial down from start to finish…
(more…)

Today I’ll be trying out a new potential series.  If this is received well, I’ll continue to do it in the future. 

In this series, I will take an annoying sports cliché and explain exactly why it’s dumb and overused by sports writers who think they know sports, but in actuality, are clueless.

Today’s annoying sports cliché is: “They Wanted it More.”

This phrase is typically thrown out by broadcasters and writers in a game where one team completely outplays another.  To the naked eye it appears that one team just wanted to win more than the other, that the losing team was woefully unprepared and did not give it 110% on every play.  Meanwhile, the winning team fought like they were on the beaches of Normandy, playing every moment like it was a life-or-death situation.  

This makes for an easy storyline the next day.  Rather than taking the time to breakdown the intricacies of the game, the writer will take the easy way out and write a 1,000 word piece knocking the team for having “no heart” and playing “gutless.” (more…)

In a shameless attempt to generate more page views, each month or so I will link to some of the best posts on Living with Balls. These are a combination of the most popular posts and my personal favorites.

Here are the best posts from the months of September and October 2010

Terrible NFL Quarterbacks

What if Farts had a Uniquely Pleasant Smell?

Seven Rules for Attending Baseball Games

Unintentionally Funny Local Commercial: 2 Brothers Scrap Metal

Restructuring the U.S. Holidays

Rap Lyrics Translated for White People Volume 4

Sex Survey Reveals Women are Fakers and Men are Poor Lovers